I cut again

December 13, 2007
By Kaite Griffith, Kresgeville, PA

I cut again
Not to let the anger out
But to feel
I want to be able to feel again
I hate being numb
Being numb sucks

Why must everyone fight?
Its makes me so stressed and sad
I hate it when people fight for stupid reasons
No one should fight over things that aren’t worth it
If you want to fight do it with a purpose

The blade touches my skin
I cringe because I know what’s coming
Red splatter all over the computer
I did it! I can’t believe it I did it!
I finally cut my wrists
Well I hope you all will care about me when I’m gone
Hope to see you sometime soon

That first cut, oh how it makes you feel like everything is ok. Never did I think I would be doing 7 years later, cutting wasn’t something I was taught I learned how to cut all on my own. After my mom died I found that hurting myself and not telling anyone when I’m sad or upset was the best way for me. Now I’m 16 and life isn’t really any better in fact I want to go back in time and things over again but I cant. I wouldn’t want to change much because there is one good thing about my life right now, that’s Joe; he’s the one I love so much! We have been dating for about 2 months now and I never have loved someone so much as I do Joe.
We met for the first time and we were both nervous but after a bit we loosened up and it was like a dream. Thinking of him makes my stomach flitter and my heart pound. I have never felt like this for anyone before, I would never want to loose this feeling. It’s awesome!

Thinking of my past makes me cry
I don’t like talking about it much
Most people just say poor you
I hate it when people pity me though
It makes me feel like I should be happy it happened
Yeah the attention is nice but that’s not what I want
I want to be loved
Loved by someone that I love back
Could you love me the way I love you?

Want to see my scars?
Well you cant unless you cut me open
That’s where they all are
On my heart
It’s been badly beaten and seen things
Things people would never want to see
Some say I know how you feel
But do they really?
I mean have they been through the same things as me?
Are the events all the same?
Did they loose the same loved ones?
I think not
No one can know how the other person feels
Unless they were you in that exact moment
Which would be pretty hard to do
Oh well I don’t care anymore
I have my reason for living
I love him so much
Joe is my life
He is the reason I wake up everyday with a smile
And go to bed every night happily thinking of him
I love you Joe!

I know you cut
And yet I still hide it
Telling no one
Saying nothing
Letting you hurt yourself hurts me
I want you to stop
I know I can’t stop you
Only you can stop yourself

It feels empty and not whole
Your heart needs him
You know that
He knows that
Maybe you should try to get him back
He doesn’t want to go but you drove him away
If you had just given up you’re drinking
He would be with you right now

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