I'm not good enough. I know that but this is as good as I can be for you even though I want to be better. I just want you to be my brick wall right now, not my cushion my brick wall. To lean on and know everything is really okay. But now...you’re nothing. You’re not my brick wall but you’re not my cushion either. What am I expected to do? Land on the ground and wait for someone to come along and be nice enough to help me back up? But then after I’m up what's left? Nothing...nothing for me to hold on to and to keep me standing tall against the world around me. You’re my rock. You’re my brick wall to lean on when things get hard but sometimes I need you to be a cushion too. Your going to be standing there watching me fall to the ground, aren’t you? Slowly, painfully, sorrowfully. Nothing but limp, dead waiting to go through it all over again. To be put through hell all over again. But that's the good part, at least there's something to hold onto instead of absolutely nothing...ever.
January 6, 2011