untitled poem

November 14, 2007
its a feeling i can't shake
i dont know what to feel
im confuse and weary i want this to be different
so many thing change in life
i just cant't keep up
i try something new and its like running thought traffic
i want this to be different but i cant seem to shake the feeling
of someone near me touchin i cant feel the air they breathe
it like a cold winter night but expect it a 100 dergees outside
why i feel this way i
i have no clue but its deep down in me and it
won't go away im stuck in this conditin i make excuses for everyday
it's because of this or because of that i act this way but really i have
no idea wat but i have one it's jus the devil in me but i won't let go
i say i want to but it this hurt in side dat holds on tight
i cant do this
alone but i know only person that can help me is me and jesus
i call on him to help me out of the situation and to be
forgive of all sin
but i turn around and do them again
so why is it like this
im clueless but i will find out its hard
being this way i say it need this and i need dat
i want this and i want that
it all jus sex, drugs, fakes and lies
but i am so real i say i have done
the unthinkable if u could imagine
but i hope u dont the things
i been through with friends and
family and unknown strangers
aint no joke i cry every nite wit tears runnin
down my face
i cry so much my cry out loud is silent
to everyone its like im invisble until im wanted again
so wat is this feelin i have that deep inside
that i cant hide its fear
of everything, everybody i see and hear
why the stuff i've done i think is unforgiveable
and jus dirty and wrong disgusting and shamefull
fear or what other might think and see and say about me
but i never thought about the consqence dat come after
the lies the deiceit the hate and much more
no cause i dont think
of wat i do the rumors my image but do i think no
i jus do it but i no it's wrong
so why

to please and satisfy others need no matter if it hurt me or not
please dont try to imagine wat this peoms is about cause i know for wat i
but it hurts so bad i jus cant turn way
for if you do understand this
no sympanthy for me
i jus want you to understand the thing i go through
no blame on no one
not my family of my friends
i chose this road why i dont no
but once you been hurt you cant go back
to the way it was before
i been hurt mentally, pshcyially,verbally
and the pain i feel
is more than i can imagine
anyone one feelin
i no others been hurt before
so this feelin this pain i cant shake off
or turn away it's pain its fear
and if any can hear me cry out
help i dont i like this feelin
but how do i turn it off
but for now im jus going to
play the game of my life in fear
and hopefully one day i can shake this pain
and walk away from fear with
my head up and finally say NO

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