How do you REALLY feel?

December 18, 2007
By Meridian Jackson, Redford, MI

The smile was never genuine
The laughter never real
But still no one stopped to ask
Hey, how do you really feel?

My best friend liked someone better
And slowly drifted away
She never stopped to ask
How I really felt that day.

Tears scribbled down my face
With so many people close by
But only two heard me
And comforted me while I cried

Other people surrounded me
But not one stopped to say
Hey you look sad
How do you feel today?

I had a sad story
That I’d only told to one
A story that haunted me at night
And during the day was never gone

About my dad and sister
Whose lives were cut too short
About my kidnapped brother
Whose heart was fatally hurt

About me, stuck in the middle
Of all the hurt and pain
But still no one bothered to ask
How I really felt that day

It started with a forgotten lunch
But quickly it turned to more
My friends inquired but did not press
What was going on

They caught me in the bathroom
Throwing up one day
They asked me what was wrong ?
And how I really felt that day

They seemed to be concerned
They seemed to be there
But deep inside I knew
I was just the topic of their questionnaire

Soon I was forgotten
My story no longer the flame
They moved on in a flash
And never were the same

I ran into my safe zone
And did my normal routine
I walked out with a fake smile
And tears that were unseen

My only solution was obvious
But you may not understand
What it was I was going through
The weight I carried in my hand

I went to the last stall of the bathroom
And looked out onto the years
I searched, but could not find
Something to slow the flow of my tears

I opened the window quickly
And jabbed at the screen with a pen
Suddenly death didn’t look so bad
And suicide was no longer a sin

I looked down below me
And I knew it was time
I thought of what lay ahead
And my mind drifted back to the time…

To the time when I was alright
To the time when I was okay
To the time when someone asked me
How I really felt that day

To the time when I was never lonely
To the time when I was never scared
To the time when my friends
Actually acted like they cared

I did what I had to do quickly
This poem my only goodbye
My only regret is I had no one
To hug before I died

This poem is a reminder
To every one who knew me.
To everyone who couldn’t see through
The fake smile and laughs

To everyone who thought I was okay
And my sadness would pass.
To everyone who passed me
And never bothered to say.

Hey, are you crying?
How do you feel today?

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