I Could Never Let You Go

I thought I was over you. I thought I didn't miss you. I thought I didn't care that you're not mine. I love him, I hate you. That's what I tell myself. And I believe the lie. Until I see you. Until our eyes meet. I saw you. You saw me. Did you want to cry too? Did you have to fight back the tears like I did? Were you jerked into memories? Memories of what was? Images of what could've been?

I keep seeing you. I try not to look for you in the halls but I need just one more glance. One more and I'll move on for good. One more and I'll put you out of my mind. But every time I close my eyes or even blink, your face is there. It haunts me; taunts me. I keep hearing you saying that heart wrenching sentence over and over and over... "There's someone else..." And it almost makes me jump...

You're like a disease. A beautiful, disastrous disease. Infecting my every thought. Why is this happening? You were almost completely out of my mind. I was almost healed. This can't be happening. It can't be real. I was almost happy, almost past this. Why can't I get you out of my head? Why can't I resist? I need a release from you. From you’re memories. I need someone to help me fix me...

But who can fix what's been broken for so long? Can I be fixed? Can I be healed? Do I want to be? Healed from not one lost love, but two? Will my walls ever go away? Will I ever remember how to feel? How to forgive and forget? How to love? Will I ever be ok? Will someone ever come and erase my hateful, bitter, tortured, depressed thoughts and memories?

Will I always be haunted by your memory? Why did this have to happen now? Why did you come back after I found love again? Why is it so hard for me to see that you're all wrong for me? I swore I was over you. I thought you couldn't affect me anymore. I thought I was immune to your poison. But it's flowing through my veins. Flowing further and further with every beat of my shattered heart. It's burning my veins. I'm dying. Why won't my fears be stilled? Why can't I let you go? Your memories are taking over. I can't break free. I can't break the chains that are holding me back. They captured me and have held me for so long, I'm not sure if I can ever get you out of my mind. I fought it for so long and almost got there, I almost beat it. But one look into your eyes and I'm back to square one...





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