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In the beginning I had cried
Continuously, sobbing violently
In my room
And shoved all visible items
Evoking painful memories
Into my drawer
And locked it shut.

Then I lived for a while
In my own mind
And collided with reality from time to time
Before retreating quickly
To once again conjure up
The firm grasp of his hand,
The fuzziness of his blue sweater,
The beating of his heart

Soon it became too much for me to bear,
Knowing that I couldn’t wallow in faded memories
So I was determined to get over the worst of it
The anger, confusion, and the pain
And wrote my searing thoughts on paper
Sometimes screaming in frustration
For nothing was fair in life

And before the sharp,
Cutting feeling
Of being no longer wanted
Consumed me entirely,
I pulled myself up off the floor
And tugged on my tracksuit
To go on a run around the block
Twenty times
In icy wind

But then it took me
Two months and 18 days
To realize that
The subsequent days --
When he eyed another girl
And played gently with her hair --
Would hurt
Even more than
The initial breakup

A different kind of hurt
That had a subdued but steady ache
Lingering in my tender heart
Like a persistent splinter
The sudden outbursts and rants
Then gave way to a slow,
Quiet trickle of tears





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