You messed up your life.
I’ve watched you fall so many times.
Watched you make the same mistake over and over again.
I can’t even keep track anymore.
Your actions scared me.
I didn’t know what to think.

That one night when I woke up in the middle of the night,
I heard what you were doing to her.
I heard her cries for help, but instead you made her miserable
.
You’d ask me what I wanted to make of myself.
I told you my dreams, how I wanted to live my life.
You shut me down, called me dumb.

Remember when you were on the couch,
Yelling at the wall?
I was confused.
I was young.
Unsure of what was going on.

And after a while,
everything started to feel normal.
Like this is how life is, nonsense.
You were my role model,
yet all you were was a piece of worthless nothing.
You were my best friend,
and I promised that I’d love you till the end.

I made a promise to the monster.

Till the day came
When I was finally aware of what was going on.
I was finally old enough to see the truth.
You were sick.
Sick in the head.
Sick in the heart.

Is that what addiction does?
Twist everything around?
Makes the world seem like the monster.
And people are the bad guys.
Your cries screamed
“ Nobody cares.” Or “ You don’t understand”
Bull****.
When it all comes down to reality,
YOU were the monster.


YOU were the bad guy.
YOU went away.
I gave up.
My best friend left me.
I pushed you aside.

I needed to figure out what I wanted to do with my life.
So I wouldn’t end up like the monster you were.
The day came when you returned.
Three years.
Five months.
And fifteen days.
But who was counting?


January 17th, I got a call.
“Can we talk”?
The words that sent chills down my back,
And made my stomach drop.
The monster has returned.

A flashback of that
Cold, sharp, needle hitting your flesh.
The high came back.
And all I did was answer with a simple “okay.”

Hope hit me.
Maybe it will be better?
Maybe the monster would stay away.

A year a half later, and you were still going strong.
Everybody saw how the monster had been left behind.
You were finally going in the right direction.
Hope.

No more tears; no more fears.


Until you felt down.
Like no one wanted you around,
And nothing would come out of your life.
The weakness came back.
The monster has returned.
It has taken over you, Dad.