I feel gone. Fading. Day by day a little bit more of me is dying. I’m sixteen years old, and have already been through more than you could ever imagine by just looking at me. Sure I may not have had it the worst, but certainly I haven’t had the best. Everyone has their personal demons, mine just happen to occur more than others do. In all honesty, imp lost. I don’t know who I am anymore. In the past year and a half since I last wrote vie been trying to figure out who I was in this world. Why I was here and why am I still here. Those reasons I have yet to figure out. In the past year I found love again. His name was Dillon. He was everything I had wanted, and everything that I wasn’t. Long story short, we were together for 10 months and our differences drove us apart. At this point I am comfortably numb. I feel as if no one really understands me and imp probably right. As I long onto this site of teen ink, I see other people all around the world who share their thoughts and feelings. It makes me think that I am really not all alone. There is someone out there that is going through the same thing as I am, just in a different area. Odd, but true. Do any of you feel like you don’t belong? Kind of like you are living in a house with family that is nothing like you and who definitely don’t understand you. Because that’s how I feel. These people don’t even know me. They think they know me, but they only know me in so many parts as I chose to share. My mom, god I really wish I was closer to her. I have 2 siblings which are both boys. You would think because I’m the oldest and the only girl that I would be close to my mom, but unfortunately I’m not. And as for my dad, I used to be but you can forget about that now. He’s not one of the dads that walks out or that isn’t around at all. He’s here, but he’s not really “here”. I think maybe he’s just as lost as I am. I try to be positive about things, and think that things will get better. But I just don’t know. People think they know me, but if you really knew me you’d know that you only know my name; not my story.
November 17, 2010