Friday Night

1. The lights shine real bright
the grass is green
I can hear the
sounds of feet running
5. They are after something
I hear the loud smacks
of the hard hits
The flags are thrown
The croud goes wild
10. Take the ball back five yards





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BrokenByTheLies,DeepInsideSheCries.. said...
Dec. 6, 2010 at 12:44 pm

I love this. It totally relates to watching my brother play on the friday nights. Keep up the good work . ! 

Would you read some of mine . ?

 
JRA401 said...
Dec. 6, 2010 at 12:10 pm
This is an awesome description of Friday Night Football. I love those nights and can't wait until next year. " The crowd goes wild", is a great way to express how the fans go bananas over their team. A way you can make this better is how the football team feels about winning that night.
 
guardian_angel said...
Dec. 6, 2010 at 9:23 am
This is a good description of a Friday night football game. I like that i can read it and automatically know it is about a football game. You should try to fix your spelling error on the word crowd. Other than the spelling error the only thing i would think you should change is the numbers. What do they mean?
 
knd071 said...
Dec. 6, 2010 at 9:23 am

I would take out the stanza numbers. It distracts from the poem. Crowd is also misspelled, so you may want to consider revising this poem. 

Anyway, I like how I didn't know what you were talking about until the last two lines. I had another image in my mind while I was reading this, and only realized that it was about football when I finished reading your poem. The imagery is strong as well, and I liked how you stated that the grass was green. It reinforces the idea and plants a s... (more »)

 
OriginalCarbonation said...
Dec. 5, 2010 at 10:39 am
first of all i think croud should be "crowd". also the numbers confused me? what do they mean? but i like this, its very nice summary of a friday night football game :)
 
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