I Knew He Wouldn't Call

November 25, 2007
By Ashley Tedesco, Normal, IL

I knew he wouldn't call but i'd be lying to myself if I said I wasn't waiting all day for it.
Sometimes I wonder what goes on in his head and if he'll ever grow up to see how frivolous all of this is.

And those are the same days I also wonder why I waste my time congesting my head with nonsense that will only lead me to the dissolution of my mind.

I will always be reluctant you and I will always miss you and I will always reminisce upon the uninstructed memories I have of falling asleep on your lap.
I remember I was a bit too old but I didn't mind, nor did I even think to take into consideration the fact that it would be a provisional feeling. It felt right and I felt secure and that is how I should feel now.

And maybe it felt like that because somehow I knew that I would never again be provided with the opportunity to be absorbed in thoughtfulness while wrapped in your arms and falling asleep to the sound of food digesting in your stomach mixed with the constant beating of your heart.

And maybe now that is why I feel comfortable with others in a physical state, but i'm never in the equitable emotional state.
You've never fulfilled any emotional needs in my life and I think maybe that is why I don't give others the opportunity to do so either.
They can touch, but they can never truly have me, just as you never did.

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