Thoughts of that past,
Making me grit my teeth,
From all the pain,
And all the dreams.

My slumber is light,
Waking nightmares haunt me.
I'm still alone,
With no personality.

Drained I am,
From all those moments.
I couldn't even protect,
My most precious ones.

There is no excuse for what I’ve done,
Or rather what I didn’t do.
I still blame myself,
Tightening my noose.

Grinding to dust,
Every fiber binding.
The knot is complete,
But maybe it isn’t mine.

Not my burden to carry,
But I do despite.
I never wanted to marry,
The crime that caused countless fights.

Each day bears down more pounds,
One adding one adding one,
The weight not benign,
Rather understood.

I can’t fight it off,
I can’t let it fly,
I can’t bear witness,
To the relentless cries.

Others could never understand,
The truth behind my scars,
The ruby trails,
And hidden marks.

All the hidden glances,
And willing misconducts,
Brought about the uncertainty,
And hurtful triumph.

What was I to do?
Let the air thicken,
Allow the fog to form.
Be the one being stricken.

Fifteen divided by three,
Four plus one,
Half of ten,
But none of the above.

It was more than a number.
It was an age,
Of countless disturbed slumbers,
From one young being.

Something none should observe,
Or live through.
It relives itself every day,
Lies seeming true.

It’s not something that can just go away.
It stays inside,
Waiting to prey,
On all the dreams and goals ever made.

Each breath is more crucial,
But also stabbing chests,
Like breathing underwater,
Without a needed rest.

Water fills the lungs,
Until no air can commit,
And wishes for it to end,
Start to exist.

But soon they vanish,
And blood circulates.
Orbital stars shine,
Each one fluctuates.

Every wish to die,
And every dream of life,
Begin to fade away,
Into ceaseless hands of time.

The only thing remaining,
The burden which I carry,
Tightens on my shoulders,
Waiting to be buried.

But funerals alike,
They need cause,
And with fault on myself,
There is no resolve.

Surrounded by others,
I can’t let them in,
I’ll only be weak,
After years of shouldering sin.

My defense is paper thin,
The very thought breaking through,
But nothing can disguise my guilt,
Not even friends for the few.

So I’ll continue,
To bear the weight,
Even if I’m crushed,
To protect those great.

I mean nothing,
Against their souls.
But maybe I’ll find solace,
In a small loophole.

Despite desperate attempts,
My clarity is shed,
Under rose colored glasses,
And shades of red.

No more disputes,
No more lies,
No more revelations,
And no more ties.

Everything is as it should be,
The wind and the stars,
The color of the sun,
And the traceable scars.

No one will ever know,
But me,
And me Alone.