The Friend

November 24, 2007
I just thought you should know that you have stolen the people I care about away from me, myself included. You are an expert at filling the empty space inside and making everything feel okay. But eventually reality will come kick us in the face sending us crashing down to what can only be described as complete despair. Once you push us down there often enough we are forced to sit and look around at the destruction around us. Friends have given up, families are too torn apart, all that’s left is an unreliable person who only cares about the time he gets to spend with you. Because of you everything is different and I can’t stop crying. I let myself become your prisoner and because I was under your intoxicating spell I couldn’t be there for the people who needed me the most. You’ve given me many experiences and memories that I would rather forget and would never brag about. I don’t regret our friendship, because I’ll admit we had some great times, you let me have fun and the shell I keep closed around me melted away. But, because of you my life will never be the same and neither will their’s.
Because of you, Dad doesn’t come straight home from work at night instead he stops to visit you. Most of the time he even brings you home to hide in his office and drown away the day.
Because of you he had to sleep in the woods, on the sidewalk and in the back of a car, not in his own bed.
Because of you I feel sick to my stomach and the world is a giant blurry picture.
Because of you every bad feeling I’ve ever had came out and I sat and cried in his arms to 2 hours.
Because of you I lied, broke promises, compromised my standards and lost respect.
Because of you he didn’t call me and couldn’t be there for me like he should have been. He put you first, I always knew he cared about you more.
Because of you the light in their eyes has been glazed over with an empty stare.
Because of you her face is twisted with worry and she can feel me slipping away.
Because of you I could be totally carefree and not be held back by thoughts or fears.
Because of you she can’t even look her best friend in the eye anymore.
I love you, I hate you, I just can’t live without you.

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