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MY LIFE, MY HOPE – MY LIFE AS AN EXCHANGE STUDENT

By , Saint Louis, MO
I was scared, but I thought the experience was worth it
I was troubled and confused
I constantly shivered at the thought of leaving home
Of leaving all (the Beloveds) and places so (familiar to me)
To live in a land totally different and foreign from what I have been accustomed to living
All because I never knew whether this land would be a foe or a friend, welcoming or rejecting
And so for a moment, relying on blind fate as a safe refuge I silently bore all my hopes.

Never had I ever thought of coming to this land as a teenager
For, all along, I only dreamed of seeing and experiencing her at the twilight of my life and not so early on, not having any clues as to what exactly to expect
...And yet, all this while, I was made aware I was coming to a great land; a land pregnant with opportunities;
Which made me unceasingly wonder which kind of opportunities they were?

In my fickle-mindedness, I feverishly and fervently went down my knees,
Imploring the best for the family I was yet to leave,
The school I was yet to miss,
And the friends I would soon be thinking of daily.
But amidst all these concerns, I go ahead with my decision- my decision to leave
Even imploring the Family I so dearly love to let me go
With eyes soaked in and with tears, they would have loved to say No
But telling them to have faith, hope and conviction that something good and worthwhile will surely come out of the adventure I was yet to make, I convince them to let me go.
Oh! How my Mum cried!
Shedding tears before me making me realize just how much the poor Lady (loved to have her little One by her side) would have wished to have her little girl by her side…
One important flaw of mine was underestimating the effect my absence was going to have on family and friends
But hardheadedly, I carried my decision through.

Time flew by so quickly and before we all realized it, it was time for their little, adorned flower to leave
The moment I had silently dreaded had finally come!
Parting was not only hurtful but also all too painful!!!
Parting was so difficult and unbearable!
So, was I about to leave behind me all the good times I had with my family and friends to be a perfect and total stranger on an alien soil?
I sometimes thought leaving with anger and no emotions was less difficult than parting
And even sometimes argued that parting involved just too much strength and willpower
Yet, that was exactly what I had to do!

The day finally came, with all its burdens and difficult moments
The moment had come when I had to be gone for weeks and months and years
To be separated from my Family for as long a time as I could hardly imagine,
Pondering just how my friends would not even be able to shed the tears so hidden, for fear of making parting more difficult than it was for us
At that point, I decided against my decision,
I decided I was only crazy to think of leaving;
And thinking and believing I was wrong on the choice I had made
I decided I was going to stay to develop my home, my family and my school,
To be there for the people who needed me, who loved me, who wanted me
But do you think those thoughts were my own and true or just a part of me that wanted to be fulfilled? The true and adventurous me?
I guess your guess is as good as my answer

Amidst all the confusion and tears, I trudged on until I finally found myself in a completely different milieu,
Welcomed and embraced by folks I knew too little about, and beset with strange challenges, I fought the urge to give in to doubt and fear, strived to keep to my vows, my dreams and my aspirations
I know I am now in an environment that requires me to love, to tolerate new and diverse people all over again, and to work harder
I never envisaged it would be as difficult and strenuous as it presently is

Just because of my differences, some people in my immediate surroundings look upon me with utter scorn and derision.
Walking around people who constantly mock me without cause,
I sometimes felt the urge to hit them hard,
To say hurtful things to them,
And to tell them negative things and to wish them so much evil
So that for once, I could be or feel at peace.

Yet, in the midst of all these,
I muster courage and walk head high among them
Sorry for myself, I cannot approach them
But walking away from them only makes me more susceptible and prey to their mockery
And as they constantly annoy me, they very much remain ignorant of the damage they cause my ego
Oh Lord, help me!
Do not let me have my way with them as much as I would like to

But I have planned to stay
And stay I must!
I will remain stuck to them till the time comes when they will realize just how foolish they have been, sitting around idly and making unnecessary mockery
Anyway
I met a loving family whom I instantly loved upon meeting them; who constantly encouraged me and made me know that they cared
Though things are different and difficult and interesting,
I always reminded myself that
‘That was how things were with me and nothing was going to change that’

Any determined person will tell you;
“No matter the situation;
No matter the circumstances, and
No matter the conditions given, with faith and perseverance, all shall be well
And in whatever circumstances he finds himself in, he/she has control”

I will rebuild my wounded ego
I will regain and remain my joyful heart lost when all the people I loved were separated from me
I will regain that brightness people saw in me when they looked up at me and into my eyes
And I will regain that ability to brighten and touch the hearts of the people I meet, like before

As determined as I am, the only message I can depart with now is
Expect more from me and the difference I bring into your lives.





Join the Discussion

This article has 5 comments. Post your own now!

Franky said...
Nov. 22, 2010 at 2:20 am

Am moved this morning by this poem. Never give up, success is beckoning at you. You are so intelligent and will succeed even in adversity. mwaaaaaaaaaaah

Cheers,

Frank D

 

 
ladyscalp replied...
Nov. 22, 2010 at 12:21 pm
thnks Frank, am grateful
 
zeee said...
Nov. 21, 2010 at 7:50 pm
oh my cate u such a good writer.am crying right now after reading this piece.it is so well written and i don't even know what to say.you good!
 
Cathy replied...
Mar. 7, 2011 at 5:55 pm

thnks hun.

i appreciate that

 
scalp said...
Nov. 21, 2010 at 7:28 pm
pls comment to this poem. i itch to know what you guys all think about this. thnks
 
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