This Time, Last Year

December 2, 2007
By Rachel Fair, Bevier, MO

This time, last year
I was fighting back the tears
Flashing a proud smile
Never uttering a sound
of the fear
of the hurt and betrayal
of the truth

This time, last year
you held me tighter than anyone
has ever held me
and you wiped away my tears after
you said it was okay
to let them fall

This time, last year
you made a promise to me
that you would never leave
that you would always stay
"I'm just a phone call away"
then you kissed my cheek
it was raining
our cars were running
and we could never make it more than 5 feet away
before turning back around
to throw our arms
around each other
...we wasted so much gas those nights

This time, last year
instead of tasting turkey
or stuffing
or gravy
I was sitting in a hospital waiting room
an hour or so from home
watching my father grip my mothers hand
as she fought back the pain
and the fear
that she could not feel her legs.

This time, last year
her smile was my rainbow
my best friend
my only friend
she kept a light on in my darkness
and talked my ear off
and stole me
driving around
in the rain
in the sleet
in the snow
and kept talking my ear off

this time, last year
i fell in love
almost lost a love
gained a lifetime friend
drained who knows how much gas
and almost found myself.

since this time, last year
you broke your promise and left
mom can walk and talk and tuck me in at night
and she left me 9 days before my 17th birthday

funny how so much can change in one year
it's almost hilarious
how sacred
and foolish
my fears and thoughts were
this time, last year

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