Blade

October 8, 2010
Oh, the sting of living with the fear of dying



Oh, the bitter relief I get when I cut, but



Oh, the pain feels good, too good to quit



How is it that my only companion can send me to an early grave?



Was that though looming in my head when



I started this game? It was



Supposed to distract me from my hurt, it was supposed



To be a onetime thing, but I



Know I went too far, and now I’m stuck with the scars



That I gave myself. Sometimes, I look at my blade, and listen to its harsh words



You awful demon child, you unworthy blemish!



Were you really stupid enough to believe I could help you?



Oh, how could my only friend be so cruel?



Oh, why have I let the blade control my life?



Over and over these thoughts turn in my head, I’m ashamed of



Me and what



I have become. And to



Think that I was once happy, and to think



That I once cared for myself



I once cared enough to keep the blade away



Should I try to



Go back to those days? I know I should try



But the risk is too high



Something’s arisen in me, making the cutting too hard to stop



Telling me that I need the pain, telling



Me that’s the blade is the way



To happiness. I’ve tried to



Leave the blade,



But it’s too powerful, but



I am too weak. The blade told me it



Won’t do any good to throw him away,



Cause I’m only gonna grab him before trash day, he says



I’m not strong enough to quit. But I’ll be



Damned if I let a piece of metal tell me I’m weak, but



If it were wrong, then I wouldn’t have these open wounds, but



I do have them. I do have the scars, I



Do not have the strength to quit. I hate you, blade! Do



Ya hear me? I hate you and the hold you have on me! But that blade, that



Damned blade keeps looking at me, keeps smiling as



If he knows a secret that I don’t know. And he knows



I won’t ever let him go, and I know I



Don’t want to.





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