September 21, 2010

It never stops, and never leaves my mind,

How am I supposed to live through this, I cant do it. I’m not the “special kind”

Everything about me is simple, that is when you see me.

How unfortunate it is that I cant see myself.

I don’t understand how my thoughts take so much control. How can this be?

If I cant have simplicity then I must at least try to stop the tears.

Bitter, salty, selfish, and confused tears.

My minds exploding, and exploring so many thoughts that I wish would stay hidden.

Whether its about imperfections, exclusions or wanting what is forbidden.

I wish I could convince myself of so many things,

Maybe if I tell myself I am happy, I will someday believe it.

As cliché as it seems I spend many nights crying hoping the pain I put on myself will disappear.

But it wont even though I know it is my fault,

even though I know that if I pretend to be happy, I might believe it and it might become true.

But I cant be clueless and fake, or numb to the pain

Because I wouldn’t be myself, I would become insane.

And so my mind must adjust to the pain

Because I have nothing to gain from stealing others happiness except more pain.

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