The Guide to Crying

November 7, 2007
There are specific rules you should follow
If you are to cry
First of all
Don’t wear mascara
If you think you’re going to cry
It will run down your face
And everyone will know
You’ve been crying
The second you feel you’re going to cry
Go where nobody can see you
So the second you stop crying
You can dry your tears
Try pinching your cheeks
To bring back the color
Stand on your head
So all the blood will rush to your face
Force yourself to smile
And think happy things
Giggle to yourself
Until you can let out a hearty laugh
And breathe in and out
So your voice isn’t shaky
Stand up straight
Calm, and in control
Carry an extra pair of sunglass
You can pull them out and put them on
So no one can see your blood shot eyes
Clear your mind of every memory
That is even the least bit upsetting
And try really hard
Not to count down the hours
Until you can go home
And cry all you want
For as long as you want
And then when these precautions have been taken
You can show the world your face
And nobody will ever know

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