That Night

July 27, 2010
It started that night
When everyone else was outta sight
I thought it was a dream
Then I woke up and couldn't scream
One hand was on my face
The other in such a private place
You were on top of me
It was so dark and I couldn't see
"sl*t" was my name that night
I knew what was happening wasnt right
I said no
You didn't listen, how low
You ripped my clothes
I thought it would really show
I wanted your hands off
All you did was laugh
I didn't think it was funny at all
I tried to run but before I knew it I was up against the wall
Then you tried to force a kiss
I turned my head so you would miss
This really pissed you off
I thought this was way past enough
That's when I saw the pole
I screamed "your an a**hole"
I hit you and im sure it hurt
You grabbed my torn shirt
I opened the door to run away
I locked myself in the bathroom until the next day
I sat there on the floor
My body bruised and sore
Tears running down my face
Breathing at such a fast pace
I told myself to calm down and don't make noise
That's when i heard your voice
You said I only had two choices
So i continues listening to the voices
I could tell and lose my life
Or i could hold it all in and let my pain out with a knife
I stayed silent hoping you would leave
I just wanted to sit and grieve
When I came out in the morning I was scared
You just sat there and glared
Your mom and no idea what happened that past night
I didn't know how to make things right
I went home later that day
That didn't make the pain go away
My parents didn't notice the change in me
It was something no one could see
I sat in my room with the knife
Wanting to take my own life
My choice was to deal with my own pain
I didn't know if i was sane
Everytime I went there it happened more and more
It never went away, kinda like a sore
My mistake of not telling hurt a friend
She told, in the end
Now people finally know
This issue will no longer grow
You thought it was all a game
I was so full of shame
I'm glad it's all done
And happy that you are gone
"it's over now, all the pain will go away"
This is what people always say
They tell me to forget about it, put it all behind me
It's not really that easy
It never goes away
I still suffer from the pain everyday
I often cry myself to sleep
I have dreams, standing on the edge and taking the leap
I never thought anyone would understand
Then I heard the secret of my best friend
Knowing she went through a similiar thing hurts me
I don't want her suffering through all the pain, you see
I try everyday to put what happened all behind
I wish i could just rewind
Tell my story from the start
And feel a little better in my heart
I try to think positive about it all
I try to stop my fall
What happened made me a bit stronger
But my pain will go on for much much longer...

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