All Nonfiction Bullying Books Academic Author Interviews Celebrity interviews College Articles College Essays Educator of the Year Heroes Interviews Memoir Personal Experience Sports Travel & CultureAll Opinions Bullying Current Events / Politics Discrimination Drugs / Alcohol / Smoking Entertainment / Celebrities Environment Love / Relationships Movies / Music / TV Pop Culture / Trends School / College Social Issues / Civics Spirituality / Religion Sports / Hobbies
- Summer Guide
- College Guide
- Author Interviews
- Celebrity interviews
- College Articles
- College Essays
- Educator of the Year
- Personal Experience
- Travel & Culture
- Current Events / Politics
- Drugs / Alcohol / Smoking
- Entertainment / Celebrities
- Love / Relationships
- Movies / Music / TV
- Pop Culture / Trends
- School / College
- Social Issues / Civics
- Spirituality / Religion
- Sports / Hobbies
- Community Service
- Letters to the Editor
- Pride & Prejudice
- What Matters
Little Red Riding Hood
Went walking in the wood.
Toting a basket,
Almost blew a gasket
When seven small miners
Appeared between the briars.
One was quite happy
Another rather grumpy.
The third was sleepy
Number four was just dopey
Five was sneezy (achoo!)
Six could’ve been the doc for you.
Seven had a bashful air,
And so, for a while, they stared.
Both parties surprised
Overwhelmed and stupefied
To find each other standing there.
And Little Red, not thinking ‘beware,’
Went with them to their humble abode.
For a while she followed
And when they finally arrived,
She met a healthy and revived
Snow White, who whirled around
But then she frowned,
And asked, ‘Who is she?
What vile girl have you brought to me?’
And Little Red, mighty mad by now
Snarled, ‘It is I, Little Red, you ugly cow.’
Snow White, furious at Little Red,
Said ‘Well it is I that the Prince shall wed,
For I am the fairest of them all,
My hair is ebony, my waist, so small.
He’ll never look twice at you,
You nasty, unsightly shrew.’
And Little Red, about to retaliate,
Was cut off, when, by a strange twist of fate
In dashed Cinderella,
All dressed up in satiny yella,
Missing not one, but two shoes.
‘Oh!’ she cried. ‘Tis true!
Prince Charming has agreed to marry you!’
Tears streamed down Cindy’s rosy cheeks
As she tore her hair and shrieked.
Snow White, stood, haughty and proud,
Until Little Red announced, quite loud,
‘Hey Cinderella, let’s take this fella down.’
And then ensued an epic shakedown.
Prince Charming arrived in the middle of the fight
And covered his eyes at the unseemly sight
Of the jealous three
Rolling around amidst the trees
Hair torn at, punches flying
The screams were quite horrifying.
He covered his ears and shook his head
His heart was filled with dread.
Finally, he yelled, ‘Stop, just stop!
Cinderella…I believe these are your flip-flops.’
‘No!’ Red Riding Hood cried.
‘I shall become your bride.’
Little Red tore the shoes away
As Cinderella looked on with dismay
Snow White, with fire in her eyes
Got on her knees and started to rise
Ready to fight once more.
It was almost a full-fledged war.
All three desired the prince’s affections
Longing for his handsome complexion
But Prince Charming looked quite horrified
At the three insane possible brides.
But, what ho! In came running
Someone quite stunning.
Out of the forest dark,
The dashing Prince of Denmark.
Hamlet declared, ‘To be, or not to be…’
And Charming interjected ‘…with me?’
‘With you?’ asked the fair Hamlet.
‘Oh yes. You’re quite handsome, I must admit.’
And so the princes rode away,
With not one moment of delay.
Into the sunset,
Went the blonde and brunette,
To be wedded in matrimony
The two princes lived
Happily ever after.
Epilogue Part I
Snow White cried,
Little Red cried,
None destined to be bride.
Epilogue Part II
In Denmark the two princes wed
In that beautiful country they said
Their wedding vows
In the first country to allow
Two men to say ‘I do.’