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Losing You

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My heart aches
From the loss of you
Everyday that I'm still living
I wish that you were too.

When I look at your picture
So many memories flood back
Reminding me of you
The one person in my life I now lack.

Can't you see me grieving
From up above?
Can't you see you're hurting
Someone that you love?

You know I'm going to miss you
Every second that I breathe
The fact that you're gone
Is still hard to believe.

But I'll remember
To keep a smile on my face
Because right now I know
That you're in a better place.



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i.ll_be_fine_899 said...
Jul. 15, 2010 at 10:15 am

aww....that obviously came from the heart. good job!! a lot of true emotion came out of this too. i liked the more positive outlook in the end.. :)

and im sorry for ur loss

 
MadAsAHatter... replied...
Jul. 15, 2010 at 11:05 am
I reallyy lke this, and truth be told I almost started crying. i can feel the emotion and it brought back so many memories. Great job, really, it was wonderful.
 
AvengedJasonFold said...
Jul. 13, 2010 at 6:30 pm

simon cowell feedback--you asked for it!

I like this poem. It's short and sweet and I especially loved the last stanza which is heart warming.

The only things I question are: can you lack a person? I know what you meant but... I feel like that needs a fix

Also, how did the person who died hurt someone that she loves? (second stanza) I feel like she didn't intend to hurt anyone by dying and that the speaker in this poem is missing the person who died, not accusing them and... (more »)

 
Ismellteenspiritandcandy said...
Jul. 13, 2010 at 11:11 am
I like how it fits so well and ryhmes lika song
 
babigerl1194 replied...
Jul. 13, 2010 at 4:04 pm
same here. Nice job. 5/5 ps plz rate my works too :P
 
GreenDayAddict said...
Jul. 13, 2010 at 10:07 am
This is very touching, i bet your grandmother will really appreciate it. I liked the ABCB pattern, and the word choicing. It is very nice.
 
DemonXxXchild903 said...
Jul. 12, 2010 at 8:33 pm
Very emotional! I think it takes more talent to write these kind of poems than free verse! Job well done!
 
Pitiful_Anonymous said...
Jul. 12, 2010 at 5:12 pm

I hate to start this way but, here it goes.

THIS was great, far better than the last thing i read! you really did great iwht this one.

I have to say now, I'm sorry for oyur loss, I know what it's like to lose someone that your close to. You expressed yourself very accurately and positively. You brought tears to my eyes, and this is a feat that is very rarely accomplished.

Amazing job! Keep it up! :)

 
riley... said...
Jul. 12, 2010 at 3:00 pm
so simple, yet so deep and thoughtful. it made me sad :( haha but i once heard that art is just something that evokes emotion. so goood job
 
Cigg.Sunn said...
Jul. 12, 2010 at 11:41 am

Let me start off by saying, I am very sorry for your loss.

I love the rhyme in this poem, I hardly see it now a days. My favorite stanza is the second one, I think because the fact that you wrote 'when I look at youe picture, so many memories flood back, reminding me of you, the person that I now lack.' Those lines, (in my perspective) made your poem. Because to me it sounds like you are convincing yourself that it's okay to miss her, but also to remember her. Then your last line seale... (more »)

 
respecturself7 replied...
Jul. 12, 2010 at 6:01 pm
Hey Dreamer, I'm sry bout ur loss something lk that is so hard to go through. I can feel the pain in this it's really sad. I think ur gram wouldve felt honored by such beautiful memorial.
 
The_Secret_Poet replied...
Jul. 13, 2010 at 9:55 am
I feel the pain because I lost both my grandpas this past year. I am very sorry for your loss.
 
Minnie101 replied...
Jul. 13, 2010 at 7:38 pm

It's simple but deep. I like it. Its got a great ending. Perfects the balance of it being sad with a happy ending!

 

 
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