Losing You

June 11, 2010
By Just.A.Dream SILVER, Lake Geneva, Wisconsin
Just.A.Dream SILVER, Lake Geneva, Wisconsin
7 articles 0 photos 431 comments

Favorite Quote:
Part of the J7X team. :)


My heart aches
From the loss of you
Everyday that I'm still living
I wish that you were too.

When I look at your picture
So many memories flood back
Reminding me of you
The one person in my life I now lack.

Can't you see me grieving
From up above?
Can't you see you're hurting
Someone that you love?

You know I'm going to miss you
Every second that I breathe
The fact that you're gone
Is still hard to believe.

But I'll remember
To keep a smile on my face
Because right now I know
That you're in a better place.

The author's comments:
In memory of my grandma, 4/22/10.
First person I lost; I'll miss you & love you forever! ?

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This article has 33 comments.


on Aug. 18 2010 at 1:50 pm
ArtemisOwlfeather SILVER, South Pasadena, California
5 articles 1 photo 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I am evil. I am evil. I am evil. I do not bounce. I am evil."

Awww, this is so sweet and heartfelt. I loved it, but sorry about your Grandma.

on Aug. 13 2010 at 10:04 pm
darkangle56 BRONZE, Antioch, Illinois
4 articles 3 photos 14 comments

Favorite Quote:
"a wise girl kiss but never loves, listens but doesnt believe, and leaves before she is left"

i loved it

on Aug. 3 2010 at 10:39 pm
CASTROLmatt GOLD, Coolidge, Arizona
14 articles 11 photos 59 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Sometimes you have to take life less seriously to get where you want to be."

This was really sweet & heart felt. I like how you just poured your heart into this. It flows real well as well.

on Jul. 28 2010 at 11:11 pm
iluvuiluvunot, Tacoma, Washington
0 articles 0 photos 19 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us."Ect....
-Marianne Williamson

I'm Sorry For Your Loss. But This Is A Really Pretty Poem(: I Can Feel A Little Remorse &Nd Have It  Fixed When Knowing This Person Is In A Better Place(:

-Jaiden(: AKA:iluvuiluvunot


on Jul. 28 2010 at 2:03 pm
HotTeenWriter24x7 BRONZE, Poughkeepsie, New York
2 articles 0 photos 14 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Forbidden to Remember, Terrified to Forget."

This is beautiful...I am sorry about your grandma...but im sure she's happy wherever she is...and god is looking after her just like she looked after you...god bless her...and your work really portrays your emotions in a gentle yet deep way...keep rocking ;]

deka9 said...
on Jul. 27 2010 at 1:34 pm

I am so sorry for you loss. I can understand the pain since my grandma passed away in Feb this year.

When I read this, I cried because I could honestly say that you wrote this for me. Except for the last stanza. I can't put a mile on my face because I can't say that she is in a better place and am regretting everyday that I didn't spend more time with her sharing the Gospel.

I really feel weird about analyzing something so personal like this. I'm sorry that I couldn't be helpful.


iDogrocker said...
on Jul. 27 2010 at 1:29 am
iDogrocker, Lebanon, Oregon
0 articles 0 photos 78 comments
I've said this before, and I'll say it again: I'm not very good with poems. That said...wow. It was short and sorrowful and very real. It speaks to people. The language you use makes your writing very accessible to people. You're reaching a wide audience with this. It's a job well done.

on Jul. 26 2010 at 9:50 pm
SarClark BRONZE, NC, Connecticut
2 articles 0 photos 534 comments
I love this. It's a great concept, great thought and you did an amazing job. It's really relatable and very strongly written. Amazing Job!!!!!!

on Jul. 23 2010 at 12:10 pm
inherownlittleworld SILVER, Moscow, Pennsylvania
8 articles 0 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You have brains in your head'
You have feet in your shoes,
You can steer yourself in any
direction you choose.
Your on your own,
and you know what you Know,
you are the guy
who'll decide
where to go."
- Dr. Seuss

this poem was amazing. my grandma was very important to me too. your writing is sweet, and it definitely flows. maybe it'd be cool if you writed some free verse poems as well? maybe another version in free? just to expand your writing.

on Jul. 20 2010 at 9:27 am
LoveMeIfYouDare BRONZE, Lafayette, Louisiana
1 article 0 photos 45 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I have many injuries. It is better not to talk about them." ~ Natalia Ma

very touching.bravo!

 


on Jul. 17 2010 at 2:38 pm
sleeplessdreamer PLATINUM, Raleigh, North Carolina
30 articles 0 photos 332 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I have always wanted to write in such a way that people say, 'I have always thought that but never found the words for it.'" -anonymous

Very touching and well written. I love poems that actually rhyme and have a rhythm. It made it more heartfelt and genuine. I'm sorry about your grandmother. Thank you for checking out my thread. I would love if  you could check out my other work also! :)

 


EllieK. BRONZE said...
on Jul. 17 2010 at 8:12 am
EllieK. BRONZE, Wilmette, Illinois
4 articles 0 photos 75 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Not all who wander are lost"
JRR Tolkien

"Sometimes life sucks, so suck it up"
-ME

""We succeeded in taking that picture (from deep space), and if you look a it, you see a dot. Thats here. That's home. Thats us. On it, everyone you ever heard of

This is a well written poem. very emotional and touching. I'm sorry for your loss.Happened to me recently as well. Well done!

on Jul. 16 2010 at 11:45 pm
LoveMeIfYouDare BRONZE, Lafayette, Louisiana
1 article 0 photos 45 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I have many injuries. It is better not to talk about them." ~ Natalia Ma

tears are welling!

lusis BRONZE said...
on Jul. 15 2010 at 10:15 pm
lusis BRONZE, San Jose, California
3 articles 0 photos 42 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It is the novelist's innate cowardice that makes him depute to imaginary personalities the sins that he is too cautious to commit for himself." Anthony Burgess

The second to last stanza is probably my favorite. It's simple but to the point, much like the whole poem. Reading the third stanza though, I kinda paused a little because of the tone shift. It might have been intentional, but I think they sound almost accusing. But otherwise the conciseness overall really helps to convey the sense of loss.

on Jul. 15 2010 at 9:07 pm
PorcelainShadow BRONZE, Lizton, Indiana
4 articles 6 photos 39 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Don't hold your tongue, instead, hold your breath, and jump in"

"your in a better place." very commonly said. but you used it in a very original way. well done!

on Jul. 15 2010 at 7:44 pm
BreatheTonight_2011 GOLD, El Centro, California
14 articles 0 photos 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Do something worth remembering."

Very emotional. Very touching. Good job!  =)  And sorry for your loss.  =(

a.m.f BRONZE said...
on Jul. 15 2010 at 5:09 pm
a.m.f BRONZE, Gainesville, Florida
3 articles 12 photos 97 comments

Favorite Quote:
"God never shuts a door unless he opens another."

I really like it.  I like how you allow it to connect to not only you, but the reader as well.  I can relate this poem with people I've lost, too, which makes it even more amazing.  I like how you blended your rhyming and didn't force it into the poem.  Again, I reallylike it! Continue writing! :)

on Jul. 15 2010 at 2:19 pm
Aquafina BRONZE, Lynn Haven, Florida
3 articles 16 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
And yet, to say the truth, love and reason rarely keep company now-a-days

I like it=) It reminded me of my best friend that died when I was 10 ( 5 years ago) But i do just keep a smile on my face

on Jul. 15 2010 at 1:41 pm
Supernova7 GOLD, Redford, Texas
16 articles 6 photos 394 comments

Favorite Quote:
Let me cry my tears let me live in sorrow as long as you promise to be with me tomorrow
By Me:)

very good i like the ending

on Jul. 15 2010 at 11:15 am
yellowflower SILVER, Basking Ridge, New Jersey
8 articles 0 photos 47 comments
really good! great ending. I love the way that you didn't just ryhme for the sake of ryhming but also worked it into your poem.. great!!




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