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Losing You

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My heart aches
From the loss of you
Everyday that I'm still living
I wish that you were too.

When I look at your picture
So many memories flood back
Reminding me of you
The one person in my life I now lack.

Can't you see me grieving
From up above?
Can't you see you're hurting
Someone that you love?

You know I'm going to miss you
Every second that I breathe
The fact that you're gone
Is still hard to believe.

But I'll remember
To keep a smile on my face
Because right now I know
That you're in a better place.




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ArtemisOwlfeather said...
Aug. 18, 2010 at 1:50 pm:
Awww, this is so sweet and heartfelt. I loved it, but sorry about your Grandma.
 
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untamedbabe said...
Aug. 13, 2010 at 10:04 pm:
i loved it
 
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CASTROLmatt said...
Aug. 3, 2010 at 10:39 pm:
This was really sweet & heart felt. I like how you just poured your heart into this. It flows real well as well.
 
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iluvuiluvunot said...
Jul. 28, 2010 at 11:11 pm:

I'm Sorry For Your Loss. But This Is A Really Pretty Poem(: I Can Feel A Little Remorse &Nd Have It  Fixed When Knowing This Person Is In A Better Place(:

-Jaiden(: AKA:iluvuiluvunot

 
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HotTeenWriter24x7 said...
Jul. 28, 2010 at 2:03 pm:
This is beautiful...I am sorry about your grandma...but im sure she's happy wherever she is...and god is looking after her just like she looked after you...god bless her...and your work really portrays your emotions in a gentle yet deep way...keep rocking ;]
 
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deka9 said...
Jul. 27, 2010 at 1:34 pm:

I am so sorry for you loss. I can understand the pain since my grandma passed away in Feb this year.

When I read this, I cried because I could honestly say that you wrote this for me. Except for the last stanza. I can't put a mile on my face because I can't say that she is in a better place and am regretting everyday that I didn't spend more time with her sharing the Gospel.

I really feel weird about analyzing something so personal like this. I'm sorry that I couldn't be helpful.

 
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iDogrocker said...
Jul. 27, 2010 at 1:29 am:
I've said this before, and I'll say it again: I'm not very good with poems. That said...wow. It was short and sorrowful and very real. It speaks to people. The language you use makes your writing very accessible to people. You're reaching a wide audience with this. It's a job well done.
 
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AprilNeon said...
Jul. 26, 2010 at 9:50 pm:
I love this. It's a great concept, great thought and you did an amazing job. It's really relatable and very strongly written. Amazing Job!!!!!!
 
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inherownlittleworld This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 23, 2010 at 12:10 pm:
this poem was amazing. my grandma was very important to me too. your writing is sweet, and it definitely flows. maybe it'd be cool if you writed some free verse poems as well? maybe another version in free? just to expand your writing.
 
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sleeplessdreamer said...
Jul. 17, 2010 at 2:38 pm:

Very touching and well written. I love poems that actually rhyme and have a rhythm. It made it more heartfelt and genuine. I'm sorry about your grandmother. Thank you for checking out my thread. I would love if  you could check out my other work also! :)

 

 
minddancer replied...
Jul. 20, 2010 at 9:27 am :

very touching.bravo!

 

 
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EllieK. said...
Jul. 17, 2010 at 8:12 am:
This is a well written poem. very emotional and touching. I'm sorry for your loss.Happened to me recently as well. Well done!
 
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lusis said...
Jul. 15, 2010 at 10:15 pm:
The second to last stanza is probably my favorite. It's simple but to the point, much like the whole poem. Reading the third stanza though, I kinda paused a little because of the tone shift. It might have been intentional, but I think they sound almost accusing. But otherwise the conciseness overall really helps to convey the sense of loss.
 
minddancer replied...
Jul. 16, 2010 at 11:45 pm :
tears are welling!
 
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PorcelainShadow said...
Jul. 15, 2010 at 9:07 pm:
"your in a better place." very commonly said. but you used it in a very original way. well done!
 
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M.Guff said...
Jul. 15, 2010 at 7:44 pm:
Very emotional. Very touching. Good job!  =)  And sorry for your loss.  =(
 
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a.m.f said...
Jul. 15, 2010 at 5:09 pm:
I really like it.  I like how you allow it to connect to not only you, but the reader as well.  I can relate this poem with people I've lost, too, which makes it even more amazing.  I like how you blended your rhyming and didn't force it into the poem.  Again, I reallylike it! Continue writing! :)
 
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Aquafina said...
Jul. 15, 2010 at 2:19 pm:
I like it=) It reminded me of my best friend that died when I was 10 ( 5 years ago) But i do just keep a smile on my face
 
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Supernova7This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 15, 2010 at 1:41 pm:
very good i like the ending
 
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yellowflower said...
Jul. 15, 2010 at 11:15 am:
really good! great ending. I love the way that you didn't just ryhme for the sake of ryhming but also worked it into your poem.. great!!
 
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