As I enter in a dollar into the vending machine
And punch in the number for a Pop Tart
I can’t help but wonder… What does a French person
Eat for breakfast?
So they have mustaches on their food as well?
Or do they dress everything up to make it look good?
I bet they buy fresh cheese for every morning
Or drink their freshly brewed high grade coffee
While they look at a panoramic picture
And paint it with elegant colors
Or sit outside at a café and smoke.

But I know that a French person wouldn’t eat
What I would eat
Because I grew up on eating Pop Tarts before school
Or Toaster Strudels with sweet frosting
Or having pancakes smothered with syrup.
Sometimes my dad would get some Boston Crèmes
Or some coffee cake from the local bakery
And having French toast made for me
When I come down for breakfast Sunday morning
I wouldn’t know what a French person
Eats for breakfast because
I would watch Cartoon Network
Or Nickelodeon while I eat
Or I would go straight down to the basement
To play Mario on N64.
So what would I know about
Being artistic or having fresh cheese?
Or having coffee or food that is presentable?

So please, please don’t make me
Give up Boston Crèmes or coffee cake
Or playing Mario.
I can’t be artistic
Or eat healthy
Or have high-grade coffee
Or paint while I eat
Because I’m American
And I like eating food that tastes good
Not that just looks good.
And besides, I’m way too American
To have a silly-a** mustache.