Next Time

May 27, 2008
By Nicole Ly, Layton, UT

I feel like I need to cry
But I can't, because I've done it too much.
I only know the partial reason why
And it hurts me to know such.

I really used to like him
But as you grow older, people change
You laugh and have good times with them
But you get something different in exchange.

He's in my confidences, at first
Only to turn around when I'm not looking
And it's even worse
Because he's wounding me.

His lips carry rumors and misconceptions
He thinks I'm naive, that I don't know
Oh! He's so good at deception
I don't know why I didn't see it so long ago.

My tears are finally running now
He surprised me, stabbed me so stinkin' deep
He still disavows
It's not much longer that I can keep on.

Angry red, sad blue, depressed black
The entire spectrum of confusion
Is finally making its attack
All I can do is ignore, turn a blind eye, is my conclusion.

I've oft times wondered whether it is better
To take a risk and trust
Or to build a wall and completely avoid the backstabber
But to take a chance had seemed more just.

I just don't know anymore, it could be a decoy.
"The walls we build around us to keep sadness out
Also keeps out the joy." (Jim Rohn)
So that's what it's about.

Guess I've got to fall and bleed
Just to heal and fall again
It's not exactly what I want or need
Not to always feel the pain.

Maybe next time, if I survive that long
I will be more cautious, more afraid
More uneasy to trust, although I could be wrong
I still don't want to feel that sharp, stinging blade.

Maybe next time
If there is a next time
If I have a next time
If I can survive that next time.

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