How To Remember Why I'm Angry

You hop in the car with your two best friends
You click in your seat belt
Roll the windows down
The music is on high
I watch
You breathe in
As summer air hits your face

You arrive at the familiar house
Get out of the car



trailing behind your friends
You reach the front stoop
Shuffling up the stairs
You enter the house
Take off your shoes
And-follow-the-chain-of-people-to-the-basement
You are always last

Down


The



Steep






Stairs
Greetings meet you at the bottom
Out of the mouths of people you really don’t know
People you DON’T want to get to know
Though you call us your friends
Bodies pile on the couch and relax
You stay tense

The television turns on
Conversations start up
Laughter fills the air
You don’t want to be here
You are bored
But
You don’t have the nerve to say so

Going through the motions
You are like a worker
Piecing together a knife
On an assembly line
Your pocket vibrates
Livening the dullness
It’s him
He’s calling
Your heart races
You keep a calm face
You’re sure not to show it
You answer
Talk
Hang up
He’s coming to get you
“Does anyone want to come?”
No one does
You act sad
You are happy
You want him for yourself
He calls again
He’s in the driveway
You put on your coat
Grab your purse
Bye

We make plans to call
To meet up later
You walk
















Stairs





The


Up
Back
Down


the


hall
To the door
You check yourself out
Make sure you look perfect
And go

Hours pass
The movie is over
We call you
You don’t pick up
He does

Why can’t you pick up the phone?
Why is he laughing?
Where are you?
Please call back

You don’t
I go home
The others go home
Do you go home?

2 a.m.
My phone vibrates
A friend is calling
Informing me
You’re in the hospital

Drunk
You passed out
I hate him
Were you showing off?
Trying to impress?

Days pass
I had to bring it up
If I hadn’t
Would you have told me?

You haven’t been the same since

Now even more



distant

The new summer comes
I hate the new you