As I sit in my room
My music playing as it should
I slowly fade into the walls
Feeling non existent and just out of place
This strange feeling that I have
In my heart and my stomach
The need to be creative has escaped me
But is still there
Gavin DeGraw plays loudly
And I feel an attachment to the music
I feel so connected to it
Yet so far from it.
This is what music does to me.
Music is my life.
I wanna cry.
I wanna scream
I’ve sunken into the bottom of the deepest ocean
And risen to the top of the highest mountain
Love has a reason
My one and true love
Is my music
I wanna be able to go back to basics
I wanna create great things
I wanna make music
I wanna touch people
The way my legends touched me
God, please tell me why I have this feeling
Because I cannot explain it
This yearning for music
This yearning for creativity

She sits on her bed
Tears in her eyes
Music in the background
Laptop on her knee
She looks at the page
And feels only one thing
The depression around her
She wants to be something
She wants to cry til there is nothing left
That is what is in her heart
Her mum stands outside her door
On the phone not paying attention
To the turmoil her daughter is suffering
Her tears fall slowly
Drop by drop
Not able to control it
She wipes her eyes and continues to type
Feeling it is her only release.
The music changes
The depression playlist continues
She cannot understand
She feels like turning to her last resort
To relieve herself
But she can’t
She begins to see Ayiana’s nature
And why she exists.
She wonders about the shape of her heart
As Ayiana begins to take over
And Katara gives in to the pain
She’s in over her head
Kelly Clarkson plays as loud as possible
Even the volume is quite low
In her head
The volume is enough to shake the floor
She’s getting one step closer to the edge
She lashes out at those who treat her like crap
And thanks those who care
She lets everything go
And gets in the shower
There
Is where she lets it fall
They come down in rivers
The tears she held back for so long
The pain she’s had in her heart