How to survive again


Alone
Alone
Alone
It burns into your mind
Scaring your thoughts
In a place no one can stitch back up with coarse string
Alone
Alone
Alone
One can wonder what could be worse than death
Life
We live our lives alone
You’ve been alone
Abandoned at birth
Abandoned through child hood
Abandoned now
Life
Life is worse than death,
only because you have survived it.


Now your company
Only dirt
Rubble
Blood
Now your blanket
Only dirt
Rubble
Dust
And blood
Now your thoughts
Just the same
You still wonder where she is
Your mother
Your nurse
Your watcher
Your guardian angle.


She is there
No over there
With the others
Lying on her back
Gazing at the stars
With open eyes
Starry eyes
Blank eyes
She stares at the sparkles
So out of place.


Pain so much pain
You feel as if you were on fire
You stare at the ceiling
No more cement
No more comforting smoothness
All gone
Your ceiling
Now just dust
Just blood
Just the stench that makes you choke
It makes you want to vomit
It is the stench of life
Life smells bad
Really bad
Like hate
Like fear
Like sorrow
Like guilt
Like regret
Like greed
But to breath
You must breathe in the foul, living air.



The life flows out of her
Like dust on the wind
Specks in the universe
Bacteria in the stream
Then it leaves her
Dropping her
Like a half-starved mutt on the side of the road
A last breath
No, a sigh
She has let go of her last burden
Leaving her light enough to float away.


Your eyes open again
When you wish they wouldn’t
Your mind has turned to some logical thoughts
But an ever lasting tattoo on your brain still reads
Alone
Alone
Alone
Why survive when you’re alone?
I want to die
The tattooed half of your poisoned mind says
What is the use in that?
The memory-smeared side responds
I am alone and in pain, to die is to end it all.
Says the tattooed half
You are not alone.
Responds the memory-smeared side
Don’t lie, god has cursed me as a child so I have been alone my whole life god had meant for me to die
Slurs the tattooed side
Then why are you still living?
Points out the memory-smeared side.