May 17, 2010
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Ever since I can remember,
You were always gone.
Every night I’d be waiting;
Sitting at the window,
Arms resting on the sill, head resting on my arms.
My warm breath fogging up the cold glass
Whenever a car would turn down the road,
I’d eagerly jump up,
Then shrink down as it silently glided by.
Daddy behind me, in the doorway, sadness in his eyes.
As soon as I couldn’t bear blankly gazing out into the dark,
I’d run to Daddy, crying, ‘Where is she?!’ tears streaming down my face.
He’d tell me that he didn’t know.
And I’d hear the key turn in the door.
Flying to you, smile plastered on my face, tears still glistening on my cheeks.
You walked by, barely a word or a second glance,
Upstairs to your chamber.
Leaving behind your confused and disappointed child.
Go forward a bit; telling me to go to my room, or to do the dishes,
Like I was ignorant and oblivious.
You’d start a fight with Daddy over some trivial matter.
Over the yelling, a floor up, I’m crying, a sob escaping my lips.
I come in tentatively; you see me, and scream,
And turn back to the red hate, while I meld into the background.
All the while observing your furious faces and offensive stances.
When I start crying, you tell me to stop, saying that it’s weak.
Manipulating me because of your own weaknesses.
On moving day, I start to cry, and you coldly tell me to stop.
I turn back to my homework,
Shaking and crying.
We begin fighting, just shrieking like banshees.
You refusing to admit that respect is earned, not demanded.
Trying to form me to your mold when I’ve already broken it.
I will not conform to your oppression.
I will stand; battered, but still strong.
My friends hold me here, and know me to my core
While you do not even see past the air that surrounds me.
Because you don’t understand me.
And you never will.

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