Weekday Mournings

May 24, 2008
By Samantha Dospod, Mount Prospect, IL

Sunday Afternoon
Sitting in the warm August sunshine,
My doubts and fears slowly fade away
In their place sprout hope and joy.

In the courtyard of Resurrection Hospital
Daughters, nieces and cousins
Gather around the man they love and admire.
Tubes and bandages all removed,
but staples and a brain tumor still remain.
He tricks the kids with a smile. But the teenager sees him weep.

Monday Afternoon
Coming home from school, just another day
Waiting on the couch, mom’s home from work too early
and dad’s by her side.
Uneasy Feeling trips
and stumbles over Denial’s sneaky feet.

Dread floats in the room, and Devastation closely follows.
Her eyes red and puffy; cheeks stained with tears;
“Honey, Uncle Tom passed away this morning…” Mom says struggling with composure.
Seizure during physical therapy…
And another back in his room…
They worked on him for 45 minutes
They couldn’t bring him back.

Monday Evening crawls away
Leaving an exhausted teenager crying in bed.

Waking up on Tuesday Morning,
Head immersed in fog.
Walking through the halls at school,
I feel so lost inside.
Arriving at my locker met by cheerful friends,
Their smiles fade
As I numbly share the sorrow
I could not bear alone.

Wandering through Wednesday in a daze
Face blank, eyes dark and cloudy.
Longing for the touch of a friend’s loving hand
Reaching out to pull me close
and tell me “It’s alright.”

Entering the funeral home on Thursday afternoon
Protective walls around my heart begin to crumble.
Slowly approaching the casket
Uncle Tom serenely lies in his satin bed.
I touch his shoulder gently,
“Open your eyes” I think
“Open your eyes, so I can dry my tears.”
But his eyes don’t open;
So my tears…
My tears won’t stop flowing.
Strong, compassionate arms, gently guide me away
from the source of my grief.
Held in my father’s arms I briefly find some consolation.
Numbing pain, sorrow, anger, and confusion swirl under the surface.
Each time I look at his lifeless body,
Wanting to see him smile,
Every time I think, “He’s gone. He’s really gone.”
Their collision creates a tidal wave of grief
that washes over me.
And the tears come rushing back.

Friday Morning finally came, a grey and dreary day.
The week was almost over but that offered no relief.
That morning brought the funeral, and another source of grief.
Standing in the church, a single tear rolls down my cheek,
Father Carl starts to speak
I silently start to weep.
Most of his words are still a blur,
but the few words that broke through
Offered little comfort.
Even though we don’t understand why he’s gone,
Our faith offers the hope that one day
We will see him again.

Now time has passed, prayers are said, tears are shed,
The pain remains.
I still yearn for a hug after my last concert,
Wish for a glimpse
of him sitting in the stands as I walk across the stage on Graduation day.
Countless memories I long to share,
as they pass one by one I remember the hole in my heart that will never heal,
The void in my life that will never fill.

As he looks down through that window in the sky, all I can do is hope;
Hope he watches over me as I go through my life.
Hope he understands the mistakes I’ve made,
Hope he’s proud of the achievements I make.
Hope he knows he’s the Inspiration in my life.
I Hope he knows how much I miss him, and
Pray he knows I’ll always love him.

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