Skinny.
What an awful word.
It still makes me shudder
Ten months later

To know that she does this to herself.
Why?
Why is she hurting herself?
Why can’t she see? Why can’t she understand?
Skinny.
Who invented that word anyways?
Was it Twiggy? Was it Betty Crocker? Was it Barack Obama?
Does she know what she is doing to me?
Skinny.
Why is she being so selfish?
“You’re beautiful the way you are”
What a load of rubbish. No one is beautiful.
Unless they accept themselves. Unless they learn to live with themselves.
I hate food. I hate what it does to people. I hate how she doesn’t eat.
She is wallowing away. She is a withered leaf, falling from the tree of life.
Her candle is fading. Her life is slipping.
God, she’s so pale.
And skinny. She’s so skinny.
Butshe’smybestfriend. We will always be best friends.
She would never do this to me. She would never intentionally do this to me.
She is motionless. She is numb.
Her eyes are moving and her head is nodding, but she doesn’t feel anything.
She’s lost it.
Skinny.
She is skinny. She’s always loved it, and will always love it.
I want to help her.
Why can’t I help her?
I can’t help her.
What’s done is done. She’s in good hands now.
That’s what the doctors tell me. That’s what the teachers tell me. That’s what her mother tells me.
I hate that word.
Skinny.
I hate how it laughs at me. It’s doubling up in laughter, its stomach is curling, it’s eyes are glowing with radiance and triumph.
It’s doing this to break me. And her.
But she looks beautiful. Like a model. Like an angel.
She’s my best friend. And I will help her get through this.
But I know I won’t. She can’t get through this. She’s too far gone.
I’m waiting for her in the shallow end, but she has already plunged into deep and dark waters.
There’s no turning back.
She’s skinny now.

WHY IS SHE DOING THIS?
Why

Is she so
Skinny.