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The Organist

Who plays the organ at the church at night?
The melancholy tones drifting through the air,
And why does the organist shine so bright?
It's as if, he's not really there.



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This article has 8 comments. Post your own!

Anonymous_7 said...
Oct. 7, 2011 at 7:36 pm:
This was Awesome! Would you mind checking out my work and comment/rate it? Thanks!
 
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musicispassion said...
Aug. 5, 2011 at 10:41 pm:
i agree with karturs i enjoy both long and short pieces but i like when short pieces captivate me great work
 
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krarthurs said...
May 30, 2011 at 10:23 pm:
Something about this poem interests me. You really know how to captivate a reader with only four lines. Excellent job. Beautifully written.
 
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gymbabe This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 4, 2010 at 7:59 pm:
This is beautiful and thought provoking in just a few short lines. Great job.
 
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MayaElyashiv This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 28, 2010 at 11:38 am:

Very nice. The only problem is the last line: I might be reading it wrong, but it feels as if the beat is off. 

 

Right now you have it like this: 10 syllables, 11 syllables, 10 syllables, 8 syllables.

 

If you added another two syllables to the last line it would sound much better. For instance (and this is just one option): 

 

Who plays the organ at the church at night?

The melancholy tones drifting through the air,more »)

 
Midnight_Hum This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 6, 2010 at 8:17 am :

I don't usually reply to comments, but you are absolutely right.

"Who plays the organ at the church at night?
The melancholy tones drifting through the air,
And why does the organist shine so bright?
It's almost as if, he's not really there."

This is how I wrote it originally, a notebook at home. When I submitted it to teenink, I submitted it from memory-and that is where I made the mistake.

Thank you for pointing this out...I wish Teenink had... (more »)

 
MayaElyashiv This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 6, 2010 at 8:28 am :

Ah, yes, that does sound much better. Also, I'm glad you replied--many of my criticisms don't receive any recognition...it got so I started to feel that people only wanted me to say, "Great job! Loved it! You couldn't have done better!"

 

Sorry for the mini-rant...I just needed to get if off my chest.

 
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roxymutt said...
Jun. 26, 2010 at 11:29 pm:
i dont quite know what to say other then this is very good...in a few short lines you not only got your point and idea across but you sparked emotion from the reader and writer as well as the narrator of the story...it makes me ask questions and that's what interests me :D
 
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