Stuck inside this box

By
Stuck inside this box
That no one else can see,
They can't hear my screams,
Can't feel my agony,
Can only see the image
Projected in the makeup
That hides the face underneath,
I can't say this out loud,
Can't write it down,
Can't send it out in Morse code,
I'm just forced to make these gestures,
Waving my hands in front of my face,
Hoping my message is clear,
When really
It looks
Like nonsense,
Like a dead language,
Or maybe just dead,
Dying,
Of the common cold?
Or something more,
Something invisible,
Something I can only hope
Will become apparent
To those who matter,
Will I be forever silent?
Or can I break the vow,
Wipe off the pseudo-face,
Open the box?
I don't think I can,
Not yet,
In the middle of everything,
It's better this way,
Stuck inside this box
That no one else can see,
My safe house,
My panic room,
My asylum,
I'll pretend to draw the curtains,
Convince myself
That my box
Is that black box
On the plane,
Indestructible,
Impenetrable,
But I can't;
I know that if I crash
The curtains will go up in flames,
My box will prove to be useless,
Non-existent,
The contents shredded,
Pierced by the shrapnel,
Covered in rust,
Oil,
Shards of glass,
Anything and everything
Destroyed in the fall,
My makeup is smeared,
Splattered,
Dripping,
Faint whispers escape my mouth,
Incoherent,
But sound nonetheless,
I want to clean myself up,
Hold a microphone
To my abstract mumblings,
But I can't;
I'm just
Stuck inside this box
That no one else can see,
They can't hear my screams,
Can't feel my agony,
Because I pull out my compact,
Reapply my pseudo-face,
Put my hand over my mouth
And renew my vow of silence,
Because the crash was in my head,
Psychosomatic,
Imaginary,
Like everything else,
Spelled out with charades,
Because I can't say this out loud,
Can't write it down,
Can't send it out in Morse code,
I'm just
Stuck inside this box,
Always
A mime.





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