October 5, 2007
starvation fills a void inside when it's approval from you I crave. The desire for happiness is gone and you are there again... yelling... so negative. Times like this filled with the pounding urge to run far away and disappear.....lost in the darkness of my own circumstance, criticizing echoes leaving me awake in the night... the barrier and blockades that keep me safe and in control while I pretend that I am okay... Emotions control me... make me hide in a safe place of silence.... my mind stays distant from what my heart feels. If I say it... it's real... so I say nothing. I can't touch it... if I did I would curl up or crumble. I may seem to be made by heart of stone.... but really just chalk... and I'm afraid to face the possibility that I could easily turn to dust...the only blame I cast is on myself... for wanting the happiness I couldn't have... and still now, can't believe I deserve...the reflection staring back at me is not what you see... my guilt running the need to destroy my duration... forcing me to seek guidance on an empty plate of stolen dreams and fractured rainbows...

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