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I'd do anything

By , Carmel, IN
I hate you, why do I still love you?
I hate the way you smile,
The way you laugh
The way you smirk when you are thinking of strange things
The way your eyes glow
The way you walk
The way you talk
When you ignore me
When you’re alone
I hate it all,
Why do I still feel nothing but love?
Love
Love is for people with no life
Guess I have no life
Except for the fact that I am always one sided
Always
I am the daphidile
Unusual, simple
Daphidile represent unrequited love,
And don’t I have enough of that on a year-to-year basis
I hate the way you make me feel floaty
I hate the way your right
I hate the way you’re left
I hate the way I’m wrong
I hate the side of me that hates you
I hate the side of me that loves you
Obviously I hate a lot
But I love way too much
I need too much
I yearn for affection, to be loved
For my other
For my lover
For the one,
And apparently that’s not you,
How disappointing
I thought you were perfect,
Someone who would understand me,
Someone to stay near me,
Someone to share with the world
Someone I could trust, love, need, and depend on
I guess I thought wrong
My vision, fuzzy
From the tears that come to my blue sad eyes
From the deepest part of my heart, I still won’t give
Not anymore
I will not break under pressure
I will not give in on command
“No” was your command
Did I lose you as a friend?
Did I lose you as a person, as a human?
When will this awkwardness end??
When will my heart stop beating like I’m running a marathon around you??
Help? I need you to guide me
I need you to console me
To love me back
But I guess that it will never happen
We weren’t meant for each other
Even through all the perfection
Through all the doubt
The melancholy
The disappointment
The laughter
We weren’t meant to be
You should have asked me out earlier
I should have realized I loved you earlier
I can’t change that
I wish to
I want to
I need to
But it’s impossible
I can’t do it
All I can do now is to hope for salvation
To hope for freedom
To release my stress
To dream of a sunny day with you by the beach
To hope for a day that we will at least try to date
I told you I’m done
This is not as true as the claim
I say that I am done telling you how I feel
Done saying “I love you”
Done telling you about how much you mean to me
I’m done wishing for you to walk with me and tell me you were wrong
Done watching sappy movies while sighing my life away
Wishing that it was the same
I love the way you say “How’s it goin’?”
So laid back
Care free
I love the way you’re a nerd
The way you smile sincerely
The way you hair is long
The way it curls
The way you once liked me not nearly enough as I do now
The way you apologize
The time when both our emotions for each other, mine dormant, yours alive, thrived on the same concept
The way we dream the same way
The way you’re so shy
I’d do anything just to hear you say “I love you”
I’d do anything to feel a gentle kiss from your heart to mine
I’d do anything to remain as we were at the dance, just walking and talking
Just being with you
That’s all I would want for the rest of my life
This is who I am
This is what I want
So don’t expect a give up
I won’t change
I’m crazy, immature
Deal with this?





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