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Imprinted on my heart is our past

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Imprinted on my heart is our past.
Your are a memory that constantly replays back and forth, forth and back.
I closed the door on us, with no open doors ahead.
No bells wrung, a lot of words and emotions left unsaid.
Even though there were others whose eyes I caught or that even seeked my interest.,
I thought you were the best.
And knowing that, there would be no one else that could compare to you and take the place you stole in my heart.
Embedded yourself better yet.
Scarred for life, traumatized.
You were above and beyond.
Greater than any desire.
You were that “It” guy.
Comparisons is what I made of everyone after you.
Who could’ve compete, when you had them beat by a trillion?
Less is what it seemed I was aiming for, my head reassured it everyday.
Leaving you was hard.
I still till this day can’t be without you.
Getting over you was like facing death.
Suicide.
Engraved in my heart, forever stamped.
A bullet lodged in.
Pulled out I would’ve bled to my grave.
Back and forth I went, couldn’t even the score.
Scraped both knees, falling for a guy I felt I didn’t deserve.
To good for me is what you were.
Why would you want someone so unsure, full of uncertainty.
I could’ve found a million and one things that made me so not right for you.
A million and one things that proves to you, you would’ve been settling for less if I stayed.
I didn’t want to hold you back or end up leaving you astray with your emotions knowing that the way I felt wasn’t as strong as you claimed, as well as it would never be.
I was a silly girl playing with emotions and love.
Not knowing what I really wanted.
The only thing I didn’t want was to hurt you, but that seemed to happen anyway.
Both of us got burned and scarred in the end.
But knowing that someone really did care about me to the point that they’d do just about anything in this world for me, literally, scared me.
It scared me to know how someone can know me for so little time and yet want to be with me in my life for all time.
Infatuation, it was beyond that.
It was love.
And love will do the most strangest things.
Now see the female I am now is nothing compared to then.
I know what I want..
I grew up, matured a bit.
I understand what it takes to make something work, make something last..
And I now I realize that when you truly have loved someone that love never ends, it last.
Downhill we slipped, opposite sides.
Different worlds were led as we both climbed that mountain that divided us and caused us pain.
Although it gave realization to everything that involved us.
Even when we swore to never speak again.
Ignored one another.
Ignored that feeling that draws us to each other.
Ignored all emotions that want one another.
There was just something holding on that wouldn’t let go.
It wouldn’t loosen it’s grip nor would it leave.
The love we have for each other brings us together.
Friends is what we have resided to and I wouldn’t want it any other way.
Best friend, one of the best men in my life.
Losing you is like a little girl losing her kite.
Or taking flight without wings.
You mean a lot to me, and without you in my life, like I have said repeatedly I couldn’t do without.



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