my feelings

I have a hated past an awaited future, but what am I supposed to do just wait around for something or someone to come around? is there going to be something bound to happen that is bound? What have I done? Where am I supposed to be dead, alive, home, gone? because of how I feel now. I dont know wether I am supposed to dead, or alive, in a dream, or awake. hopefully I am in a dream and not awake.