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I have seen the colour of clouds
sparkling in your ey
I have seen birds' fly
and rainbow in the sky

I have read many books
but never resolved what's written in your soul
all this nonsense is a movie directed by life
we just have the main roles

We're starring there, keep my hand forever
Stay away! Come here!
What should I do with you my dear?
To tell you to keep off?
Or to stand by?
Are you made to read what's on my mind?

I have tasted... Have I really?
'Cause it seems to me so silly!
Felt the wind in my hair
Felt the beats of my heart
When once broken never repaired
It's too difficult for a new start

I have smelt and I have touched
I haven't known about that much
It was just a wrong step
Kissed you, touched you, grabbed and wrapped
Hot and tall, handsome guy
I was curious to try
I had a prediction, your pride was huge
there is no one we should judge

I have been, you see, there's written my name
But for you it was just a game
Nothing was on our side
We just had a quite well ride
The controller was in you hand
You were taking us right to death

In our memories we are inscribed
this is not just a stupid rhyme
it's time for you to log out
"But, darling, I didn't mean..."
Get out or I'll shout and scream!

You opened my heart and went
the keys haven't been moved since you left
I can see you through the window
Once again I feel like a widow
I'm wiping a tear
Everything is clear
You're packing things in the lorry
It's time for writing some new story





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babigerl1194 said...
Jul. 13, 2010 at 4:02 pm
I really, liked this and the metaphor. It's great. I had the same idea about life being a movie and everyone in it I hired. Great minds think alike. lol. Oh and I loved the rhyme and your vocabulary use. Though in one or two places the words didn't quite flow as easy as they should but that's o.k nobody's perfect. <3 Loved it. p/s plz review my work??
 
sunnyhunny This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 11, 2010 at 7:54 pm
I really like this.  It sounds like real, professional poetry.  There are a couple places where it didn't flow perfect and I think you just needed it to rhyme, but this is seriously really, really, good.  Keep writing.  Just let me know when you write something else and I'll read it!
 
EnglishGirl replied...
Jul. 12, 2010 at 5:29 am
Thanx! :) I submitted a short story, but I'm still waiting on it to be published....
 
EnglishGirl said...
Jul. 9, 2010 at 12:58 pm
Thanx! :) Well, read my review while my short story becomes viewable (I submitted it yesterday, so it will be in a couple of weeks viewable ;))
 
i.ll_be_fine_899 said...
Jul. 9, 2010 at 8:23 am
dude that was like deep and true poetry!!this was soo frickn good, u worded this outstandingly!!!! awesome job! keep writing :)
 
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