What I want

February 1, 2010
I wish i could wake up from this nightmare

wake up to my phone ringing

having myself smile and laugh and not faking my joy

to wake up refreshed

not be disturbed of a bad dream

I have been foolish and naive

to have thought what i have thought

complete stupidity

my world has turned upside down

i used to be whole

my world was round

not shattered and torn

I amazed myself with the smiles on my face

the pure confidence that lied within me

i thought i would never see the day

that my phone would be useless to me

that it wouldn't have any meaning

and i could fear not when entering my moms house

why can't i wake up from this nightmare

this chaos thats going on


I wanna be coldhearted

uncaring, monsterous, cold, unforgiving, a bastard

that way i wouldn't feel nothing

my cruelness would seap right through me

and i would feel nothing

no pain

no hurt

no jealously

why did god give us the ability to love

was to show us that love only lasts a certain amount of time

that it never lasts forever

nothing is forever

like we hope

its ends in a week, month or a year

mine was a year and 3 months

and even that didnt kill me

cause i had hope like every idiot does

i had dreams of her every night

cause i missed her so much

reading what she texted me

totally crushed me

now i have to mourn her existence

cause ill never ever be part of her life again

she made that decision

the decision to kill my heart

everything near its grasp

why can't this nightmare end

is it cause its reality

that will never be unchanged

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