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What I want
I wish i could wake up from this nightmare
wake up to my phone ringing
having myself smile and laugh and not faking my joy
to wake up refreshed
not be disturbed of a bad dream
I have been foolish and naive
to have thought what i have thought
complete stupidity
my world has turned upside down
i used to be whole
my world was round
not shattered and torn
I amazed myself with the smiles on my face
the pure confidence that lied within me
i thought i would never see the day
that my phone would be useless to me
that it wouldn't have any meaning
and i could fear not when entering my moms house
why can't i wake up from this nightmare
this chaos thats going on
why
I wanna be coldhearted
uncaring, monsterous, cold, unforgiving, a bastard
that way i wouldn't feel nothing
my cruelness would seap right through me
and i would feel nothing
no pain
no hurt
no jealously
why did god give us the ability to love
was to show us that love only lasts a certain amount of time
that it never lasts forever
nothing is forever
like we hope
its ends in a week, month or a year
mine was a year and 3 months
and even that didnt kill me
cause i had hope like every idiot does
i had dreams of her every night
cause i missed her so much
reading what she texted me
totally crushed me
now i have to mourn her existence
cause ill never ever be part of her life again
she made that decision
the decision to kill my heart
everything near its grasp
why can't this nightmare end
is it cause its reality
that will never be unchanged
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