January 28, 2010
By , Croton on Hudson, NY
If only you could see me now
You’d disagree with it all
I was always your little princess
But look at me now
I aint nobody’s princess.

Look at me when I was younger
And you were still here
No confidence
And yet I was the happiest little girl in the world
Now I got the most confidence
But I put myself down everyday.

You’d be disgusted by the things I’ve done
Just to feel pretty
Not eating
Throwing it up
The pills
Exaggerated make-up, when I used to believe
Inner beauty was the best.

I got 9 piercings
8 in my ears and 1 in my tongue
I did it without permission
You’d hate me for that
I don’t know what happened to me
You left and I went down hill.

You’d be disgraced by the clothes I wear
2 years without you and everything changes
I wonder how I would be if you hadn’t left
Would I turn out the same
Or would I have stayed on the right track.

I promised I’d never smoke because of how you turned out.
That changed
Jayray and I bought a pack
And I smoked when I got drunk
Yup I got drunk
Multiple times.
Hooked up with some guy who hurt Ashley
Did you meet Ashley?
I don’t think you did
But I think you’d love her.

I tried pot
Had no effect
Guess with the line of addicts
I have some tolerance.

I want surgery;
A lot of it,
Than maybe I could be happy again,
Fix all my flaws.

I went to a club on Sunday;
Hooked up with some random guy,
Gave him my number,
Even though I knew he wouldn’t call.
Just another reason to lose self-respect.

If you were still here
I doubt I’d be your princess
You’d call me what everyone else does
Including family and best friends
You know, the names only a girl with the bad rep gets
Even though the ones saying it are worse than me.

I miss you a lot
I don’t think I’ve ever cried so much in 2 years
From when you died to now
Would account to about 500, maybe more, I don’t know
But it’s the truth.

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