Heartbeat

January 24, 2010
A smile
A touch
A tear
Too much
"Feel me."
"I’m here."
"Will you,
Stay near?"
Your arms
Contain me
Your instrument
I’ll be
Two souls
As one
New life
Just begun
Bright face
Joyful eyes
Take me
By surprise
Fertile heart
Lush fruit
Your dimples
"So cute."
Hands held
Life lived
This gift
I’ll give
Bag opened
With care
I’ll meet
You there
Your voice's
My song
It moves
Me along
Tiny whispers,
" 'love you."
I reply,
"Me too."





Join the Discussion

This article has 12 comments. Post your own now!

peacechild said...
Feb. 21, 2010 at 8:30 pm
Thank you everyone - your encouragement is really great to hear. :)
 
xtwilightx95 said...
Feb. 21, 2010 at 3:49 pm
It was a great poem and I loved the concept of a heartbeat. Like they said before some of the lines have more than 2 syllables, but that could be easily fixed .
 
lostnhim said...
Feb. 20, 2010 at 11:40 pm
This poem is really good. The heartbeat thing is interesting... What gave you that idea? ( Its brilliant!)
 
peacechild replied...
Feb. 21, 2010 at 8:30 pm
Thank you. :) I don't quite know what caused me to think of this poem, I just started writing and it took this form.
 
lostnhim replied...
Feb. 22, 2010 at 6:35 pm
Well, i like it. You are a very talented writer!
 
Laughternchoclate said...
Feb. 20, 2010 at 8:57 am
This is that kind of poem where you have to read it twice because it's so good. It makes perfect sense, it's deep, it rhymes, and it's so... perfect!! I like how it goes to a heartbeat a lot!
 
Pensive?Gurl replied...
Feb. 20, 2010 at 4:06 pm
i agree with laughternchocolate, this poem was awesome!
 
ToriLovett replied...
Feb. 20, 2010 at 4:45 pm
I agree! This is great(:
 
Dandelion said...
Feb. 15, 2010 at 10:02 am
I like that idea of the thudding of a heartbeat, and I like the poem overall. The only problem is that there were often more than two syllables per line. For example, "tiny whispers" is four syllables. Perhaps, with a little bit of revision, you can get it to be two syllables on each line.
 
peacechild replied...
Feb. 15, 2010 at 11:16 am
Thank you for that thought! I agree - I think the poem would have a more consistent flow if replaced some of the words. Thanks. :)
 
Dandelion replied...
Feb. 15, 2010 at 7:07 pm
No problem! I'm glad you take constructive criticism gracefully. (:
 
#1Swimmer replied...
Feb. 21, 2010 at 8:25 pm
wow! that was intense and awesome! i liked the flow btw. keep up the great work!
 
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