Stupid Rain, Stupid Me

I don’t know what’s supposed to make me feel okay now.
I don’t know why I’m wasting my time, trying to convince myself I’m falling in love with you. It’s just a lie.
I’m trying not to call myself stupid but there’s no other adjective to describe me right now.
I don’t understand why you think its my fault, you say you’ve tried everything but I disagree.
There’s always a solution,
I just don’t want you to solve the problem if the only way you can is to break my heart.
I don’t know why I take forever trying to write something meaningful when I know you won’t say anything like that back.
If I say I miss you, you say oh. When I say the only reason I’m like this is because I care about you, you say don’t care so much.
You say you’d never lie to me but you’ll say anything to me when you’re like this.
Then you won’t even remember.
Nothing you say is the truth. Everything you say is to make me stop caring. It’s all lies.
Because when you say I love you I know you don’t really mean it.
When you say you’ll never break my heart I know you’re lying.
Because you do it the second I’m not watching, the one second I think everything is okay for once.
The one time I’m not scared.
You pull out this storm and strike a lightning bolt through my body, leaving my heart cracked and cold.
Now I’m left looking for a shoulder to cry on, but when there’s not one there I collapse on the floor and cry and cry until I think there’s no tears left. But then I get up think of you again fall onto my knees and cry more.
Even though I haven’t stopped crying since you said the 7 words that haunt my brain, I’m still not convinced I love you. I say it to make you say it back to make myself feel important. Like someone would actually take 2 seconds out of their life to say I love you back to me even though you don’t mean it. But it’s fine because I don’t mean it either. The feelings I had for you went away. I used to think we were perfect, you were perfect. I thought we’d be together for a long time, because we were so much alike. You were so good to me, you gave me compliments and said the sweet things I loved. But that didn’t last. I guess you weren’t dreaming anymore .My fantasy was over in the blink of blue eyes .My so called prince charming turned out to be a frog.
When I look into your eyes I don’t see what I want to see. You look like a stranger to me. I don’t know who you are, I don’t know how I’ve fallen this deep. I don’t know why I’m taking time to write about you when I shouldn’t care about you.
The tear that used to be kept for special moments that were worth crying over was wasted on a worthless ignorant stranger who no longer has that place in my heart.
The place right in the middle where the most important things go . You’re not there anymore . You’re not important.
Now its midnight and I’m still waiting for you,
while I wait I look at the raindrops sliding down my window thats fogging up with my warm breath. I see my face in that window, and the rain looks like my tears traveling down my red cheeks gathering in a puddle on my chest. I see someone lost, someone wasting to much time waiting, someone who cant make up their mind, someone who keeps rambling on about stupid feelings, and stupid rain, and stupid broken hearts, and stupid lies, and a stupid boy. But all of that combined isn’t as stupid as me. For believing that you loved me.





Join the Discussion

This article has 3 comments. Post your own now!

emo_lvr_9327 said...
Feb. 4, 2010 at 8:34 am
could write as well as u
 
emo_lvr_9327 said...
Feb. 4, 2010 at 8:33 am
awww emily, im sorry it didnt work out :'(. But if it helps any, u made me cry :(. Your such a talented writer. I wish i
 
Emily<3Coopah replied...
Feb. 5, 2010 at 10:33 am
thanx kayla i love you :)
 
bRealTime banner ad on the left side
Site Feedback