When the slow motioned craze dies away and the glare of my visions becomes clear once more , i remember i am alone and although i had known the entire time it becomes so much more unbearable when I’m not numb enough to ignore it . I am alone. He is not with me and if he was he wouldn’t deserve it. Every cell of my body wishes like the masochist that i have become to ache in pain with him sitting next to me but even then i am alone. I am alone in a crowded room, i am alone when I’m in his arms. I am always alone. I live lonely in his empty words of lusted love and useless care. I will always believe him, fool myself to want him. Want him to bit my neck and kiss me tensely to touch every inch of me so that i can think for a second he does care. I am alone again and again .Distracted concentration, heart rate beating faster than is good, spinning stillness, happy anger , loving sadness .. Numb to my loneliness again