I am tired of letting my self get walked on like a doormat to a broken heart. I have always let people I care for walk all over me and wipe their feet on me until I no longer feel human. But I can't do it anymore, and I won't. I deserve no of what gets thrown at me, and why should I always be the one to step down and get heart. Love is not for everyone, and its deffinatly not for me. Though I try and try to love again I just can't remembe what real love is supposed to be like. I have built a wall that surrounds me and at the dark times of despair I hope that it can protect me. But not shortly after the nightmares fade away, sneaky love finds away back into my heart. I have realized nothing can protect you from that power that overwhelms your senses, and overpowers the brain. I wish that all love could be like a movie, passionate and true, as though I realize again that nothing is like the movies. But love is more than that, and its nothing but a horriable nightmare. I will fight to build the trust I deserve and give myself the respect I deserve. Beat and battered by my own stupidty, I will soon be strong enough to break free from every horriable descion. But when I do, I will fly into the arms of a love that is everything I've ever hoped for.
December 29, 2009