See as I see

December 15, 2009
By Anonymous

The only thing I want from you is to see what I see.
To understand as I understand.
I want you to put yourself in my shoes.
You predict me so well, but all I want is for you to help me get through this.
I cant do this alone and I keep pushing you to push me away.
I dont want to work so hard, and get nothing in the end.
I dont want to be this person anymore.
I dont want to be hurt anymore.
I dont want to regret anymore.
I dont want it to be like this.
Every wish on 11:11 is that I be happy again.
Im a waste if I continue on like this, and no one seems to inderstand it.
I think the worste feeling in the world is regretting every last ounce of feeling youve had for someone.
Regretting that you gave your
everything to someone who didnt deserve it, or even respect it.
The worst part about it is that you let this person mold you into the individual THEY wanted you to be.
Not who you wanted to be.
They chose your friends and they told you how to act, what to wear, and what to say.
You began receding and there was no one there to catch you, but him.
Youre not the same person anymore.
You look in the mirror and all you see is a tiny, tattered soul, hidden deep into this shell you call, yourself. You put on makeup to hide the bruises and you wipe away the tears.
You put on a cover, and take away the fear.
He tells you he loves you, he promises and cries.
You deal with the bulls***, but you know its all lies.
He keeps you locked away, and you threaten to leave.
He puts the fear of God in your eyes,and now youre forced to be, be his everything, his lover, his friend to be that shoulder to cry on, it never seems to end.
But then one day, he went a little too far.
You pack your bags, and head out the door.
He looks through your windows, he calls in the middle of the night.
Hes not giving up on you and you dont know why.
He says he swears hes changed
and that it will never be the same.
He tells you he loves you more than
He makes you feel guilty.
Like it was all your fault.
All you want is to run away and forget all you thought.
You turn from person to person, wishing someone would pick you up again.
You dont know what to do anymore, you feel like you have to go back to him.
How easier it would be to have someone there to help you see,
see that you dont deserve this,
and that you are a free human being.

Now that youve seen what I have seen, I ask you to understand as I understand.
I hope you put yourself in my shoes, and realized that I cant do this on my own.

The author's comments:
I just put everything out on the table.

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