Susceptibility

By , Birmingham, United Kingdom
Life throws misery at me sometimes
Especially in the hardest of times
I’m showered with unhappiness
How long till happiness?
I can't find peace of mind or satisfaction
Not even crying through hours of meditation
I can't confide or trust
Not now that I am socially crushed
There’s only so much pain I can bear to take
I’ve been called weird, ugly, fake
Verbal abuse took a knock at my self-esteem
My susceptibility took it to the extreme

I held a barrier against the world
In the corner I slumped curled
Pushed away anyone who dared come close
Trouble is; no one knows

It all goes back to the past
I learnt that happiness doesn't last...
When dad walked away
Why could he not stay?
I decided that I wouldn't ever let down my guard
I chalked it all down to experience even if it was hard
I cannot restrain my tears
I’m left anticipating more fears
I'm suffocated if I don't release these poignant feelings
I’m making worse my healings
Putting a plaster over a festering wound
Misery gyrating round & round

I’m still building a wall but failure is seeping through
(And) The more pressure it drew
I'm suffering unbearable pain
I'm left out alone in the pouring rain
My tears flood like a waterfall full of dispirit and dismay
“You’re very good at the game I don’t want to play”
“So take your bad vibes & go”
I can’t help feeling this low

I collapse & feel weaker
But in turn grow stronger
I pick myself up off the ground
Dust off the depressing thoughts
And that is what keeps me going
Not just thinking but knowing...
That keeping your head up is best
Cause you’re better than the rest.





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