the math

October 16, 2009
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you have two choices,
it’s easy, if you think about it.
I am content to close my eyes
but I leave them wide open
"count your strokes"
1, 2, 3,
my breath is sharp, it sticks inside of me.
I swallow it, I don’t need it anyways.

I suck at memorizing numbers,
but goddamn i can count pretty well.
once I figure out how far I’ll go-
there’s not much left to getting there.
I am five foot six
I am twice as deep.
you’re a door I want to open
you’re a disappointment I want to see
you keep both fists closed
I keep one hand open
you spend all day lying on your back
staring at the ceiling
when i surface my hair sticks to me like a wet cat
I spend time just trying to rub the veins out of the back of my hands.

you are ocean just lapping up my thoughts.
i get sucked dry sometimes
yeah, I am ten times you.
I am five foot six.
I am twice as deep.

I will smile, I will find something neat to say.
I will be all full of goodness
until I see you.

you got to bring out the best in people,
you bring out the worst in me
how much until you feel safe?
how much until i'm safe

I am ten times you-
but I am divisible by at least that,
and you always seem to have a fraction of me

i don't have a problem
i got nothing really
when we were kids in the deep end, curl up into a ball, push the pressure from our lungs,
sink like paper planes-
down sly drive, watch them drift past the street lamps
sitting back bent, huddled in blankets in the back of your pick up
with sleepy drawings all over the wings
i wonder if anyone ever found those.

freezing in this goddamn slow winter town-
it's all about the same feeling
i make the same sound breathing
each time.

it only makes since to find some place where I don't have to breathe.

count the miles.
open all the doors.

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