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I Thought You Were Gone...

The first day
Is panicked enough
Papers flying
Sprinting to the last class
Of the day
Tired and sore
Panting
Out of breath
Hair a mess
And then
Frozen
Staring
Heart pounding
Stomach tied
In anxious knots
Thoughts
Race through head
Too fast to read
Images
Flash by eyes
Not him
Anyone but him
Cloudy blue eyes
Wavy blonde hair
Curious expression
Why him?
I was so close…
So close to forgiving
So close to forgetting
I thought he was gone
Out of my life for good
I thought
Never again would I see those eyes
Staring at me
Like I was some sort of ugly joke
I’m ashamed now
Hurt and embarrassed
Resentful and angry
But I swallow the harsh emotions
I won’t let anything shine through
My armored mask
He won’t know
How bad he’s hurt me
I scribble a wing on a page
Escape through flight
And look at him again
To find him eyeing me
With a sort of small grin
Plastered crookedly on his face
I want to scream
The empty shell
The hypocrite
The monster
The murderer
The heartbreaker
Why him?
Anyone but him…



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