I Cry

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They said I… came from my mother’s womb
But why is it when I turn a hundred and eighty trying to return to whom… it is that birthed me
It seems like she regur…..gurgitates me
As if she hates me
And the words from my mother’s mouth constantly date me
And the fact that she doesn’t understand how much it hurts me constantly rapes me
Deep down at my roots not on the vines where the grapes be
I want us to improve slowly but we’re declining at great speeds
And I be trying to move forward but it holds me
Because I’m eighteen years old and my mother barely even knows me
See people are different, some people like to tell but some need to be asked
I’m one that needs to be asked but my mother doesn’t even know that
So we sit in the same house for weeks and barely even speak
I mean… we get in a “Hey, how you doing?” but it never gets too deep
She’s not aware of my bad habits so I don’t even have to creep
And sometimes I start to cry for no reason because my emotions began to seep
Began to seep through all the other bull that’s in my life…
I think that you can look at me and tell that I’m in pain but my mother doesn’t even think to ask with what, am I at strife
So I cry for the little girl….
See all I ever wanted was to sit with her and chit-chat
Spit a couple of lines and wait for her to spit back
And it didn’t even matter whether we talked about this or that
But I don’t even remember the last time that I could get that
And I’ll admit that… I’m not one to carry purses wear hills, or makeup either
But if that’s what it takes to bond with my mom I’ll do it cause I need her
Don’t roll your eyes when I say that either be a believer
Because I’m willing to do anything to mend our relationship even though “I'm" not the one who conceived her
I don’t think she comprehends, but I try to understand
Because I know her relationship with her parents wasn’t the best back then
But I’ve always searched for my mother’s love reaching out with an open hand
I’ve tried asking for it but maybe I should just demand
But if it is demanded and not simply handed does that mean she doesn’t care to give it
If I yell “MOTHER LOVE ME” and only then will mother love me would I be able to live with it
I don’t know what I need to do but I know what I will
I’ll cry for the little girl because if I don’t the tears will spill
Because though I try to hold them in they still spill to reveal what’s real

And then there's my father,
I've always known he loves me since I was a toddler
But... there's always something, it's always too good to be true
It's like the fact that I'm gay builds a wall and I don't think my father will ever get through
So I don't know exactly how much he wants to know me but until he excepts it he never will
And he tries to act like he excepts it but I can tell he doesn't try to understand still
See I thought he was doing better until we had an argument
Because our relationship was perfect for a good while until we started arguing
I was talking about how I was hardly working because of school but I still needed clothes
He looked me up and down and said well I'll never be willing to buy you clothes like those
Then I started confessing how I wasn't doing too good in school
And then he said thats because you always try to be too cool
He said I don't understand why you do so bad when you're the most gifted kid in the world
Then his example was... you couldn't even put all your focus into basketball because you were too worried about the girls....
I looked at him so angry thinking how ignorant is that
The next time you want to know why I'm not excelling I suggest that you just ask
But I didn't say anything that was the end of the argument for me
I cant expect a perfect father being that I got a great one for free
See I know that my father loves me his only problem is understanding
But I guess he can't understand everything that would be to demanding!
And I don’t know what I need to do but I know what I will
I’ll cry for the little girl because if I don’t the tears will spill
Because though I try to hold them in they still spill to reveal what’s real





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