Lucid

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It’s always a spark
Always quick and unexpected
Always immobilizing and disarming
This lucid moment is always sharp

It’s when I look around dazed
When I fight back the tears and tear out my hair
When the fear crawls up my back, a hungry demon
This lucid moment is when I am most alone

It’s why I quiver at the mere mention of the future
Why I can barely look in the mirror
Why I forget my mask and scare you
This lucid moment is why I question everything I am

It’s how I know I don’t know you
How I nod along but secretly wonder what your name is
How I distance myself from your overpowering growth
This lucid moment is how I lose it every time

It’s knowing nothing is clean and easy
Knowing what I say is not touching you
Knowing I’ll never be inside your head, your heart
This lucid moment is knowing nothing good is real

It’s where I am most alive and dead inside
Where you can’t love me you can’t hurt me
Where I have power in my oneness
This lucid moment is where I secretly wish to stay

It’s taken me to my every corner and crevice of myself
Taken off all my armor all my pretense
Taken the world and put it in a cage
This lucid moment has taken away everything I know

It’s given me a new set of eyes to utilize
Given me a secret plan to close my eyes to live but inside
Given me voice enough to say these things
This lucid moment has given me back





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