Past the Point of No Return

August 10, 2009
By , Knoxville, TN
I've never done anything like this before.
Every stupid decision I've made in my long history of stupid decisions has been carefully and painstakingly premeditated.
I don't know what I'm doing here.

But just that sight of your rare smile today,
and a love story from my favorite author
and all my common sense flew out the window.

I never fancied myself a romantic.
So then what am I doing, picking wildflowers, imagining your smile and humming my bittersweet tune.
Rejection looms in my mind, but I am all but over the cliff.
I know I'm not turning back, as surely as I know that I'm making a bad choice.
Too bad.

I know relationships in just don't work.
I could calculate the probability over and over til I am utterly convinced that single life is the only way to happiness.
But my heart has other ideas.

And so, here I am, walking as if in a dream, not knowing what I'll do after showing up on your doorstep with flowers in my hand.
I don't know what I'll say.
Yet I can feel this is what I need to do, what I will do, what I might regret, but what I have to do.
I'm past the point of no return.

The doorbell makes no sound as my body stands on red alert while my mind remains in a trance.
The door opens and thankfully, it's you and not a stranger wondering who this stalker is.
But maybe having you answer is worse.

Past the point of no return.
All I have to offer is my head, my heart, some daisies, and a promise to try.
Can that be enough to win your smile?

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