Bruises

By , Las Vegas, NV
For most people bruises
Heal easily
Just give them time, and they
Go away
I’ve heard once that time can be the best medicine
Maybe…
Somehow, though, it doesn’t apply.
Not to me
There are some things that cannot be fixed
At least
In this lifetime
And there are some bruises
And scars
That never, ever
Heal.

Scars and bruises stretch across me
Covering me in the
Memories and shadows
Of earlier times
And times not so
Very long ago.
Some of my bruises fade, but
Then new ones come
And no matter how much
Time I give them
New ones always cover the old
And I know they will be there
Forever.

I had always though it was normal
It wasn’t like
I had seen many people before
Preschool
So on the first day of school when that
Mean little freckled, redhead boy
Asked why there were black marks all over me
I started to wonder
The other kids had flawless skin
Maybe an occasional scratch,
A scraped knee,
A twisted ankle
Nothing too
Bad.
Not like mine.
Theirs faded with
Time
My never faded at
All.

It all began back in
Happy times
When mom held me and smiled
And her voice was soft and kind
And loving
And she spoke to me with
A tone I will never forget
As long as I
Live.
She was beautiful to me
Sweet and happy
Warm and soft
I remember her so
Vividly, though I’ve only seen her in
Pictures and old family videos.
I’m afraid my mind may have
Created the memories of her
But I hold fast to them
And it blocks out the pain…
Well, most of the pain
Like the scars, some of my pain
Never really fades.

I sometimes cry at night.
From the pain sometimes,
From the heartache
At others
And I pray, putting my whole
Soul into my words
I say: Please God, help me
Through this
Please help take the pain away
Please help me.

I plead and pray until my pillow is
Wet with tears and there is no warmth or light
Only darkness and sorrow,
The memory of my mother,
And the hope that the next day will be
Better.
But somehow, it is
Always
Worse.

I know it’s not entirely his fault.
He hasn’t been in his
Right mind since
Mother left us.
He’s always carrying around that
Foul-smelling bottle
And it makes him act differently
He doesn’t know his own
Strength
Or my lack of it.
I pray for him sometimes
Although I know it is because of him that
I cry every night
And can’t sleep for the pain.
I would forgive him
If he would stop
But he can’t.
His sorrow controls him.
It doesn’t make sense to me.
I miss mother, too, but you can’t ever go back
And you can’t change what has been.
Even I know that.
You can’t make the bruises go away
All you can do is wait for them
To heal.
Mom has been gone for five years
You can’t heal that,
But you can still live.
That’s what is wrong with him,
With my father
He can’t move on.
And it not only hurts him
But it hurts me.
In more ways than one.

I was doing my homework one day
Alone in the house
My back still aching from
A few nights ago
When I heard the door open and
Slam shut.
I knew he was drunk
I knew he was in a bad mood
And I knew he would take it out
On me.
I tried to run, or hide
His yelling terrified me
My body shook
As the fear consumed me
Just like it always did before a beating.
I wished I were courageous
I wished I could tell
My friends,
My teacher,
Someone!
And suddenly
Regret and dread flooded
Through me,
But you can’t go back
You can’t change the past.
There are some bruises you can’t avoid.

He caught up with me.
Grabbing a chunk of my hair
He laughed insanely:
Thought you could get away from me?
I struggled, but I was no match
Not against him.
He threw his empty bottle
To the ground.
With a crash it shattered against the
Tile floor.
Slivers of silver covered the ground
Reflecting the light back into my eyes.
Please, no, I begged, a tear sliding down
My cheek, splashing against
The silver glass on the floor.
He laughed, his voice making me shiver.
Then, I was thrown to the floor,
My hands and arms stung with the impact
Of the glass.
Huge, dark red drops of liquid spread around
The floor, mixing with the silver
And with my tears.
And then he began yelling again.
About how he’d lost his job,
About how we were broke and in debt
About our “stupid” car
And our “stupid” house
About how mom was gone
And that it was all my fault,
That she died giving birth to me.
After this he sneered, and sent a
Blow to my head.
I flew back on the ground
And felt the glass cut deeper
Into my arms and legs and head.
I bit my tongue and tried
To get up.
Then came a hit in the shoulder,
The stomach.
Tears welled up inside my eyes.
I prayed, Please God, please make it stop!
Please let the pain go away! Please stop daddy!
And please forgive him
He doesn’t know. He doesn’t…ouch! Please let
It stop! Make it stop! Please stop him!
With that, daddy sent a final, fatal blow.

I fell to the ground, and suddenly
The pain was gone.
I was flying,
Away from the pain,
And the abuse
And away from him.
I saw stars, and clouds, and floated
Past it all.
And suddenly I was surrounded by beauty
And happiness.
I turned and saw her,
Mother, standing there, her arms
Wide open.
I ran to her, tears of joy streaming down my face,
And fell into her warm, kind embrace
Just like how I always imagined it.
I knew I was home.
I knew I would be with a father who
Loved me.
I was surrounded by a
Feeling of joy and peace.
I looked down at arms and to
My surprise I found not marks, no traces
Of bruises.
Only clear, white skin.
My heart was no longer enraged
Toward him and what he did to me.
I no longer had to conceal my hate for father, because
There was none anymore.
And I though for a moment:
Maybe some bruises and scars do heal
After all.





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